Waiting

My best friends name is Drew. Ive known him since about 4th grade. We were dating, if you can even call it that, in fifth grade.  I was only what 10 or 11 back then? We were just kids... he never tried to hold my hand but we did almost kiss. In 7th grade we didnt talk very much, that was mostly because of my friend jordyn. Now we are friends again... Ive changed a lot since then, its amazing what 1 year can do to a person... And i cant beleive hes still my friend. Ive been dealing with depression and lets just say that im not the same person at all. I went to his church 2 weeks ago and i had one of my "episodes" i didnt talk i just sat there, thinking of suicide.. i cant beleive i did that to him! all of his friends thought i was a mute. When i went home that night i completely fell apart. i cried and cried... until i finally got the guts to send him a text. i told him how sorry i was but i never told him exactly what happened. he just thought i was really tired.  He said he felt guilty about ignoring me but i pretty much did that to myself. He told me that if i ever needed to talk that he would be there.

I love him so much but the problem is... i think he might be gay. I hate myself for even doing this to him! I dont want to make his life any more confusing. I feel... free whenever I'm around him.. corny right? thats the only way i can describe it. I want to make a move but i dont want to ruin our friendship. Should i just wait and see... I dont know if he feels the same way. I dont want to tell him how i feel and have him not feel the same. It would be really awkward then. I want a boyfriend and i want him to be my boyfriend. I love you Drew, no matter what...

musicforlife musicforlife
13-15, F
Feb 10, 2010