Why Can't I Just Get It Through My Head, It's Over, It's Over Now...

I am going to lose my mind. I can't stand living with my codgerly husband anymore.

He is hostile and venomous and I don't like the way he speaks to our children. He is manipulative and self centered, and acts like a child himself.

When we split up (again and finally) he will think I "just couldn't handle being married to a cripple anymore."

What I miss about him most is the attitudes he used to have. He had the most beautiful serenity, the strongest confidence, the sweetest determination. He worked tirelessly to create the life he wanted us to have.

Now he has lain down and given up, turned inward and dark and won't come out of it. He's been to therapy, rehab, and we were separated before. Whenever I am fed up he puts forth enough effort for long enough to give me hope. And when my response is happy and positive, he back slides to exactly where we were before.

I need strength, confidence and resolve to make the life changes I need to find peace and happiness for myself and the kids.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Bananafone Bananafone
46-50, F
Aug 4, 2010