On My Way

so I have decided I will be on my way to go ahead with a divorce.
After many years of trying to make it work, I am giving up and I am numb.
For the past 5 years I have been in a sexless, verbally abusive marriage and I've had enough. In fact the only time my husband and I have had any kind of intimacy was when we conceived our two children. That's it. Two times. It can't be me though because men try to hit on me all the time. Plus the verbal abuse and being constantly put down has me fed up. Why just this morning I was called a ***** because I threw the top of a can into the trash. Really? I guess it sucks for him that his words dont get me down as much as he wants. I deserve better. Off I go.....
jojoizz jojoizz
5 Responses Aug 14, 2011

I feel the same exact way. I've developed a plan and I think Im carrying it out tomorrow. Praying for strength. Hang in there! There is a way out!!

I know that feeling of numbness after years of trying to make things work. I guess your body and soul develop some kind of protective shield. Its the worst thing that can happen in a marriage. Can a person live like this? I think no one should.

I just had another blow up with my wife last night. Her strategy is passive aggression: When confronted with a yes/no question that would force her to take responsibility for her actions she either<br />
<br />
1) Cries<br />
2) Stares at the ground<br />
<br />
Last night she went storming out to the car to cry because I insisted she let me finish speaking and told her to shutup when she didn't.<br />
<br />
When she finally came back in she told me that she felt worse now than when she did after having been raped. <br />
Wow! She said I am worse than a rapist. How do you recover a marriage from that? I don't see how we recover a marriage when only one of us is willing to take responsibilities for our faults. <br />
<br />
What makes it worse is that I have spoken with a divorce attorney twice and both times the message has been clear<br />
<br />
She will get<br />
- 1/2 cash<br />
- 1/2 401k<br />
- both kids<br />
- child support<br />
- alimony<br />
- I pay all bills<br />
- I leave the house<br />
- She gets the nicer car (more kid friendly)<br />
- I pay her and kids health insurance<br />
<br />
You might say: Well, that kinda seems fair. Until you realize she has never worked and the amount of child support/alimony my lawyer tells me I will pay (it's not open to discussion, it comes from a table) along with having to get my own place and pay all the bills would bankrupt me<br />
<br />
Not to mention, I am nearly certain she would try to take off with the kids back to Poland. With all that cash, alimony and child support she could live comfortably (even here) for years. And in Poland? An eternity

My situation sounds very similar. Except of course, I am a man. <br />
<br />
There is not and has not been intimacy in our marriage except when we conceived our 2 kids.<br />
Ever since we got married sex has been a non-starter and when it does occurr I do all the work, we end up in the same boring position.<br />
<br />
She criticizes everything I do. To the point where I don't cook or clean or grocery shop for anything because I will get non-stop bitching. She buys only organic and blows, on a family of 4 (kids are 3 and 2) $1200/month in groceries!!!!!!<br />
<br />
No respect for money. And, she is from Poland. All I ever hear is about how she made a mistake and wants to move back. She ruins every holiday because she goes into a depressed funk missing her family.<br />
<br />
I can't handle it anymore but I am terribly worried for my kids because she is so irresponsible. I need strength

Hang in there. If you aren't in any kind of physical danger then take your time and be deliberate in your planning.<br />
<br />
I wish you well.

Yes I'm not rushing anything.