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So Many Similarities.

I browsed the stories here, and there are so many similarities to my own. I'm going to skip the details, because I am pretty emotional right now and I have some things I just need to get out.

Damnit. I always told myself I'd only get married once. I thought love would take us through it all. I gave her my everything. I have been painfully faithful, even through the years of false accusations. Instead of quitting, I went to her with honesty and pain. She threw it in my face.

I should have ended it then, but I didn't. I thought I was some knight in shining armor who could save her from her past, from her pain, and rescue our marriage. I spent so much money and time on therapy, romantic vacations, self help books. I gave everything I had left.

I tried to get over it, but she just dismissed the pain. My "midlife crisis" she now calls it... you know, that which started with me looking down the barrel of a pistol and ended in this quiet standoff we are in now. She "did nothing comparable" to what I did, which was writing an anonymous blog about my situation and the ways I was learning to cope. Yeah... none of the **** that drove me to that matters anymore, only the fact that I anonymously vented.

She makes no effort. I've tried just letting it all go and pretending I still love her... thinking that with time and practice we could regain some of what we lost. This is just proof to her that I am and always was the problem.

But she doesn't want it to end! The opposite, in fact. She threatens me with so many things that I know she couldn't manage - for I am no fool and I know the law. Failing that, she attempts suicide.

Yep, that works.

How cliche, I know. I would like to believe she's just blowing hot air, but that is a risk I can't take. My kids don't deserve that.

So, she makes sure that the situation will never improve. She has me imprisoned now, and God forbid she make a change that might enable me to leave without the whole world crashing down.

I live in silence, now. Desperate, longing, aching, dreaming silence. I want a divorce, but I don't want to drop the nuclear bomb that she would turn into on my and my kids lives.

I can't handle this **** much longer.

****.
ShellOfAMan ShellOfAMan 31-35 4 Responses Jan 22, 2013

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Did she threaten suicide in a text or in person?
...I REALLY cringe when I see someone use the threat of suicide to manipulate another person. It's nasty. It's abusive.

Your happiness is the most important. I stayed in a toxic marriage too long also, thinking many of the same things as you. I know you want to hang in there for the sake of the kids but, the toxic enviroment is bad for them too. I have been divorced twice, but I have found the right one the third time. I may be poorer than I was before, but my wife now makes me feel like the richest and luckiest guy in the world.
You only get one ride on this planet, do not waste one more day with someone who makes you so unhappy.

I too was stuck with someone who threatened suicide when I would try to leave. The relationship was toxic, he 'loved' me so much...not enough to treat me right or stop cheating. He did 'love' me enough to first threaten, then later actions such as- locking himself in the bathroom with the razorblades and bracing himself up on a sword and threatening to fall on it if I walked out.
I was terrified and terrorized, feel your pain.

Try making an exit plan, quietly execute plan and leave without the 'talk' or the argument it turns into. Also, you can call the police if someone is threatening to harm themselves or others, when this happens as her husband you can have her committed via the ' baker act'

Suicide is no joke, it's mental illness. So if you think she is bluffing, call that bluff and have her committed.

I wish you all the best, I have been where you are now and I know that empty feeling and how demoralising a relationship like that can be.