One Month Into Separation

I moved out January 5th of this year. I know I do not want to go back. I am ready to move forward. Met with an attorney today, make sure I am not doing anything or have done anything that would put me in a bad position legally. Turns out I am a good candidate for a dissolution, unless my STBX contests, then it will just take longer, but still happen. I feel like freedom is within my grasp. The attorney was laughing(with me) as a related my story and all the red flags I missed. I wish I had never married my STBX. Perhaps I can take as lessons learned, all the red flags I missed, and try not to make the same mistakes in my next relationship. Such as, if you have to become someone other than yourself in order to make the relationship work, that's a red flag. I thought he would change after we got married, that's a red flag. The list goes on and on.
I still have some stuff back at the house, I am going to try and get before I tell him that I saw an attorney and we need to start thinking about how we will end our marriage. Depends on how he reacts, if he gives me a hard time, then I have to go through the attorney. If losing the rest of my stuff is the price I pay for freedom, then I can make peace with that.
As I read posts here and hear others stories, it makes me sad at all the suffering people seem to be enduring in their relationships/marriages. Is that what love is, suffering? I thought love was supposed to be kind and fun and uplifting, that added to life, not something to be endured or that drains the life out of you. Sure there will be ups and downs, but the downs shouldn't be the norm or long lasting. That's how I knew, leaving was the right decision for me. It was like a great deal of stress had left my life, I felt lighter. The thought of moving on is exciting and makes me look forward to life, the thought of staying or going back makes me depressed. I deserve better out of a relationship, he deserves better, I hope he finds happiness and love with someone else, and that we are able to end our marriage as quickly and painlessly as possible.

For anyone out there struggling with relationship issues, I hope you are able to make the right decisions for you, and you find the courage to do what you need to do, and can find peace with both your decisions and actions.
Rachmiel Rachmiel
36-40, F
3 Responses Feb 5, 2013

Your experience is inspiring. I am looking to separate around feb 15. I too get depressed at the prospect of a life with my wife as is... And light up when I think if life without her. Thanks for sharing. How are you now?

Glad to know there is someone too who feels leaving is the best thing to do. I wanna move on much forward after this is all done, in the process I am, just waiting for my papers.. And look forward to life. But for sure, I am better off being alone. I do not need a somebody to complete my life. I have move on slowly but he is still there telling me him being depressed and all (I do not want to end this on bad terms) but I wish he will just leave me alone. He is manipulative too in a way. So I feel deep inside it is better I leave and not stay in this marriage before it is too late. But still I too feels he deserves better..
All the best to you.

Congrats on making the break.