I Want to Leave Unhappy Marriage But Scared

 iam 25years old and I have been married for almost 4 years. I am a mother of 2 years old. My husband is very hard to get along with. In another words, he is an a++hole. He is always in bad mood and curse me and my son out(sometimes seriously and sometimes with joke) Every little mistake I make is blamed but mistake that he makes should never be blamed.  He has been acting like a king. My husband says that every thing my son and I do is so irritating sometimes. That is how my marriage life has been last 4 years.


About two years ago, I completely lost sex drive towards him all the sudden. Maybe because of the birthcontrol pill that I was taking, but I was just sick of having sex. I tried, but it was nothing but pain. So our relationship became even worse.  Everyday he came home with attitude, and never wanted to talk to me.

In april, I told him that I did not want to be with him anymore. We signed the separation agreement. However, we kept living together for our son. While I was in the messed up situation, I met one guy at work. He is completely opposite type from my husband. He is gentle and always nice to me. He never tried to hide his feeling and affection. He hugs me and it makes me feel so peaceful. We fell in love and it has been like this ever since then.  Everytime we see each other, I really feel happy. BUT I can not leave my husband because of my son. Also, I am scared. Once I leave this house, and things did not go well with the other guy, I have no place to go.(I am by myself in this country:no family) I tried to leave the guy over and over and over, but I just love him too much. And he keeps telling me to move in with him but I am so scared. I am scared what and how this would affect my son and I am scared of being homeless....what woud you do if you were in my situation????

kiki0202 kiki0202
8 Responses Dec 22, 2008

I have been married for 20+ years with a horrible abusive man that he calls himself my husband. I had a son with him and I had to get a job to support in giving my son and I food, clothing, insurance, everything because my so called husband did not think that we deserved it.
My son is now in college and will eventually be a successful doctor, and he is now free from his abusive father. I though missed my son and have started drinking more. I know that it is an addiction, but it sure is helpful to be numb. My husband would beat me up with physical and verbal abusive. Both have hurt me dearly, My friend has suggested that I divorced this ******* because he has not done anything for me. I have been supporting myself and he wants me to pay rent on a place that is his house. He will not even put me on his insurance. This man is an awful man and I do not know how to get a divorce. I make barely money to support myself as food, clothing, credit cards etc. I am not a rich woman, but I am a caring person and do not deserve to be with. I don't know what type of lawyer that would take my case since I don't have the money. Can anyone suggest?

This story is exactly like mine except it's my wife and i never thought of a separation agreement.. we have 2 young daughters caught in the crossfire and i don't want to leave them. I don't even know how to leave. plus i'm kind of religious so i believe God hates divorce which also makes this so hard. but i keep hearing 2 bits of advice.. one, staying for the children is a mistake because it cheats them out of experiencing a family whose parents love and cherish each other.. the other is to pray for the lord to change the hardened hearts of the both of you and save the marriage.. i wish you all the best

I truly suggest from personal experience that you get OUT NOW rather than later. My situation was almost identical to yours, but he was also cheating on me. My child the same age. I was too embarrassed to tell anybody that my marriage stunk. I put up with all the verbal abuse nobody should have to take. I'm 50+ now and still trying to get divorced. It's like being married to the mob.....once you're in....you'll never get out. Believe me. Do it now. My kids told me that I didn't do them any favors by staying. I watched my miserable life go by staying married to an ungrateful skunk. Now, he is still making me miserable because he doesn't want me to divorce him. Nobody can live with a person that's nice only half the time; and the other half you're walking on eggshells. If you have to get up every day wondering if he's going to be in a good mood or a bad mood, then it's time to get rid of him. I wish I followed my own advise.

I have been married for 4 years. When it's good, it is good - but that's like 10% of the time. Usually be treats me like sh%& and takes me for granted. I'm not getting younger. I wanted a baby when we first got married and he didn't. I've now moved on with my career (filled an empty space and filled the gap I felt). I can take care of myself, I'm ready to move on but amscared...

Hi.....well i have been married for 4 years too and i totally understand what you mean bu "when its good its good but that is like 10% of the time".......well i moved to another country after our marriage leaving my family and friends behind and have been all alone with no one but my hisband to rely on. My career was gone, no friends, no family...,i could have really used his support. But he was never there...instead he kept forcing me to spend all the money and time taking care of his family which i did for the first 2 years of our marriage thinking it would make him happy. But no matter how much i did it was never enough and my personal life went from bad to worse with my mom dad not keeping well, i lost a very close relative, my sister going thru a divorce, my job was super stressful.....and the list went on and on. Everything that could go wrong went wrong, and i begged my husband to be a little u derstanding but he never cared. And then i decided to pull myself out of the mess and after trying fir months found a suitable job for myself, i have put my family back on track still long way to go.....My husband was never there!!!! And one day i just stopped loving him and i know for sure i want to end this thing. But i am so scared, i live in a different country....i am on husbands visa, i dont have any close friends whom i can ask help from. I dunno if i move out where do i go!! I dont want to go to my home country because of the obvious humiliation...plus i cannot even begin to think what my parents will go thru considering my sister is also going thru a divorce. I am 29 yrs old and the thought of getting divorced is very unsettling but i am more than sure i do not want to live a life like this and i want to move out. I wish i had someone here to help me thru this....

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I'm in a rotten marriage also. My big reservation is also losing my child. I would say leave, but thats just me. If I new I would custody I'd do it in a heartbeat. Generally women get custody.

I was married almost 30 years even though my kids are grown it was a very hard decision for me cause it changes everything.It splits a family I mean in the ways we once were holidays together.You are the only one who can make this decision in the end. I want to ask you this, think of your son do you want him to grow up and think it is normal for a man to treat a woman like he sees his dad treating you?In life there are always chances to take.I feel better than I have in years I look better.I love someone else now but again im taking chances on new love but isint life about taking chances?Time never stops it continues to go forward the ultimate question you must ask yourself is will you stay in this moment because you are afraid or will you move forward? I sincerely hope you find the answer and wish you the best.

I have been there actually, with 2 kids. I went to a domestic shelter. I also found someone else that helped me the same way, he was kind and I fell in love with him, he later married me and adopted my kids.<br />
Yes it is scary, you are not doing your son justice by staying with an abusive man. You are teaching him to stay in the cycle of abuse and that it is ok to be treated in such fashion.