I've Had It

Here's the deal. I've been married for 7 years of which the first 2 were great. I live in Montana and have been fortunate enough to have a stressful but great job, I manage a environmental education and conference center in SW montana. I love where I live the problem is my wife doesn't love me and hates this place. She's so in love with HER past that she wants to leave, I am not in love with her past. I've always wanted to live here since I was 4. We threaten divorce constantly. We have a 3 year old and she is 4 months pregnant. I am having a tough time giving up all that I love, skiing, hunting, climbing, etc for a woman that can't love me. I would really like her to just leave and have asked her to on many occassions. I would be willing to raise my 3 year old and have her take off for the life that she wants. She feels trapped because I'm her only means of support. I did look for a position in the South but, I think were all familiar with the job market right now. So I live in what I call the less marriage, emotionless, thankless, loveless, sexless. It really does a number on my self confidence to keep this thing going when I know that it will never work out unless I move there.  My big reservation is that she's just using me to get out of here. Once during one of our battles she asked me if I would be willing to move to the south regardless of what happened to us, I didn't answer. I guess I already know what to do but I don't want to loose my child and the ability for him to grow up in one of the most beautiful palces in the world. I must be crazy don't ya think?

bikeguy bikeguy
41-45
8 Responses Feb 27, 2009

I feel for ya, bud.

I wish you all the best. I hate my husband and the place that I live in. We came here together and we both never really liked this place. Well he has become more comfortable here because he has friends and a girlfriend that he really likes. I am becoming more happy here because I have finally gotten into a church that I love, but I still want to leave. He is the breadwinner of the family because that is what he wanted. He has made me quit almost every job I have had. We don't communicate well and all he does is call me names and tells me I make him sick. I am currently working on getting a job so that I can start saving to leave and when I do leave he won't see either of us again but that is because of his verbal abuse and negative attitude, not because I am low down. I don't know how to keep living like this because I am sick and tired of him. He stays out all night on the weekends, he is laying right in bed while I'm on my computer and he is texting his girlfriend. What do I do.

well. we started counseling again and it's the same old same old. I'm really ready to just throw the towel in. a few days ago it came to ahead again. she woke up saying "I hate this place" my response was "this place hates you too." whoa, that did it she started packing, and we started yelling at each other. Looked like she was finally leaving. we'll I called the counselor we'd seen many times before. we went last night and she reccommeded we live seperatly and work to co-parent. that would be difficult since she has no means of provididng for herself since shes 4 months pregnant. so what should I do? argh!!!! I'm so fustrated. I tell this counselor all the cruel stuff this woman says to me" You'll never see this child ever, I hate you you f#$%@ing *******. and it's like I'm not saying anything. THis is a small town and all the other counselors I feel are second rate and besides I know them. she needs to leave I just want to be happy.

The only reason why my situation is any different is because I get manipulated into staying. I have tried multiple times to have him leave, which is only sensible since I pay for all of our mutual expenses. I even pay his child support to a son he has outside of us. Unfortunately, I have a heart and it's not like I want to break up my family. My children would be devastated, yet I know in time it is inevitable and I should make a change sooner rather than later.

Why do we do it? I mean we both could leave I keep waiting for her to just make the decision to leave. I've got enough dirt on her, to get custody I think, but shes got dirt on me also.Your not married so why do you stay. I feel completely alone being the male breadwinner. It seems most people in my situation are women. your insight is helpful.

I unfortunately am in a similiar boat, yet I am the full-time mother and bread-winner for the family dragging my dead weight fiance around like an anchor. I will never get ahead and I know that when we do split up, I will raise my daughter financially, emotionally, and otherwise on my own.... oh wait I do that already! I know it is easier said then done, but leave her. Fathers are given the opportunity for equal custody quite frequently in today' society, and lucky for you states require stipulations for the other parent to move out of state and must have good reason to do so.

oh yes, I've spent hundreds on counseling

*hugs* I know how hard this is. I can understand that you do not want to lose your children. Have you tried counseling??