Signing The Papers

I just received his respondent papers today.  I don't feel bad at all - but I do feel mad.  He had to leave the house because he beat me up and hit our 14 year old.  He says he didn't understand why I'm making such a big deal out of it.  Hmmmm.  THis is hardly the first time.  But it will be the last.  I have to leave for my kids.  I needed to do this years ago, but I always knew he would make it difficult.  I was right!  It has been so hard.  It seems that every day brings a new worry or fear.  I wish I didn't have to see or talk to him - I'm not supposed to have to (restraining order) but it's hard not to with kids.  He gets to see our 6 year old every Saturday - Sunday.  Since he can't drive I have to deliver him - 30 minutes away.  He is living with his sister and has no expenses.  Meanwhile he refuses to pay any of our credit card bills.  So I am now responsible for paying the mortgage, car payment, condo fees, electricity, and ALL credit card bills.  He is on disability and does not make a lot, but he also does not have many expenses.  When I asked him to sign so I could refinance, he refused.  So I went to Social Security to ask that I get the money the kids are netitled to for his disability - this is money to be spent on their living expenses.  He blew up when he found out about this.  Even with this, I cannot afford everything.  I have been tould be a credit counselor that I need to file for bankruptcy.  THis kills me.  I always paid the bills on time - even though it meant I had NOTHING left.  SO, again, he does not have to take any responsibility.  I received his papers on Saturday.  He wants me to pay him alimony.  He wants me to pay his lawyer's bills.  He wants joint custody of the kids, and he wants me to pay child support for this time.  I am a teacher!  I am not a millionaire. THe credit counselor worked out a plan where I could pay all of the bills if I file for bankruptcy, but with little left.  I can do this.  But now he wants me to pay for him.  THis is the man who beat me so bad I couldn't go to work for 2 weeks.  THis is the man who is going to court for assault on me and our 14 year old son.  I tried to hold it together.  I had to leave.  It seems everything always works out so that he does not have to face any consequences.  I can't imagine my children having to live half time in the tense, unhappy environment he invokes.  We are learning how to be carefree, how to laugh and how to live without worrying constantly about if we are doing everything the "right" way.  I know it is so much better at home.  THe problem is all I can do is worry about how things are going to play out.  The worry sometimes makes it so that I cannot seem to make decisions.  I am almost frozen in fear.  How do I get past this?

kimenm kimenm
41-45, F
3 Responses Feb 19, 2010

whosoever shall call upon the name of the lord shall be saved. you know that is why we have been given a savior, its gods love for us, he knows life is hard, but he comes and set us free, there are millions who have relief from all the stresses of life, and I am one of them , I am enjoying great benefits of just turning it all to jesus and watching him come through in wonderful ways for me.

Oh Dear My sympathies with you and your kids. This man is a loser

Thanks SIngleton67. The original post was from 2010 - it was a long time ago. I am totally divorced now, even though my ex still tries to make things difficult. He is constantly threatening to take me back to court. My oldest - the 14 year old - is now a freshman at Northwestern University with a 57,000 a year scholarship! He has absolutely nothing to do with his dad.. His own decision. My youngest is 10 and still has to see his dad. His dad puts him through a lot when he has to see him. My son never knows if he'll be mean to him or just OK. It continues to be hard in this way. However, we are so happy when it;s just the three of us at home. We have PEACE. And we enjoy each others company. It's amazing how I am still struggling with issues because of the mental and emotional abuse. It is really hard to get past those barriers you set for your own self because of things that have happened to you. But I keep working on it, and one day I might get past it.

I can relate to how you are feeling. I was witht the same man since I was 15 and i am currently 33, we were seperated because I caught him cheating, and their is alot more that I will write in my blog once i get the chance. However on August 4 2009 I believed him when he said he wanted his family back so my daughter that was 12 rode with me to his house in the next by town. For no reason at all he strangled me with both hands pushed me face down on the bed choked me so hard i blacked out and he crushed my clavicle.

You are an amazing strong woman.