I Hate Being So Insecure...

I feel so alone in my head if that makes sense.... I have no close family to talk to either very far away or the relationship is on the rocks. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy in the world but he has never been in my boat (fat I mean) and honestly no matter how many times he tells me he doesn't care what size I am I will probably never stop stressing about my woweight. I know I'm becoming more depressed every day, I don't want to leave my home very often and just recently quit my job bc the women were just awful to me. I'm becoming a shut in and that's not who I used to be at all. My boyfriends family lives near us of course and I hate being aroundhis p.always been skinny mom. She constantly has snider comments that hurt my feelings and its always about my weight the one thing that can have ne in tears in record time! When we go out to eat I can order the same size entree as everyone else at the table and still she will spout off about how big my portion is and she hopes I'm not going to eat all of that and laughs. I just want to cry in my dinner...
Remi213 Remi213
22-25, F
3 Responses Mar 10, 2012

I am overweight too. Just got a call from the doctor yesterday and he told me I was at heart attack/stroke risk. I have been struggling with my weight since my second child was born 11 years ago. I joke about how I am carry baby fat but that is not going well anymore. My husband is a doll and tells me all the time it does not matter that I am overweight he loves me anyway. But what he does not understand is I don't love myself. Well after the news I received yesterday, it is time to make a life changing decision. One that can save my life. <br />
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I read several websites, and all of them say to cut down on fried food, red meat, and dairy. And I am thinking that if I do all that I am going to starve myself. :) But it really works. We can start this together if you like. My plan, and it's a huge one, is to become vegan. It is something I have wanting to do for years but never settled down to do it. Now I have no choice.<br />
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Enough of me, I think you should remove yourself from those who hurt your feelings on purpose. They are just plain cruel and very selfish. Then start but slowly changing your eating habits like I am going to do. Eat smaller portions, stay away from all the fatty food and they say the big thing do is exercise at least 30 minutes a day. I think I can do that since I really want to loose the weight and stay alive another 40 years. :) Lets keep each other updated on are progress. It helps to have a weight loss buddy.<br />
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You can do it. I lost 19 lbs about a year ago, and I never felt better about myself. But of course I gained it all back and need to start to over. <br />
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I think you can do it and if your boyfriend really cares for you, ask for his support and his help and ignore his mother. Have a good day.<br />
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Thanks so much for your kind words. It really motivated me to do the right thing! I am currently 30 lbs lighter than I was on the day that I wrote this post. I honestly have just been staying away from anything in a box or a can. Trying to eat "whole foods" so to speak. I make everything I eat from scratch so that there's no preservatives or anything else in it. I am not a vegan but I eat very lean protein and I no longer eat dairy products. Basically I've found that if I can read an ingredient list and don't know what something is, my body probably doesn't know what it is and won't know what to do with it.
I don't exercise like crazy but I do take walks around the park with my dogs usually every other day. I am still very heavy and extremely physical exercise is difficult for me but I'm doing the best I can with what I have.
My boyfriend is still wonderful and supports me in every way. And as for his mom, I finally am over her bitchiness, I don't care what she says anymore, hopefully in a year I will be thin again and loving myself and still very young, unlike her. =) Thanks again for your words, we should follow eachother on here. Maybe a weekly check-in, with weight and just how we're doing. Let me know!

aww thats sad to hear.. coz like you i am weighty too. I dont like the feeling when people easily judge me coz of my weight i have thought of loosing some but it was never easy. anyway you are lucky that your boyfriend loves you despite what his mom say to you, you shouldnt be get too affected by it coz your boyfriend doesnt and thats what matter. (:

Hi, Let me start off by saying I understand how you feel<br />
I<br />
am not as you put it fat but my best friend who I see every day and have done for the past 13 years is extremely over weight and yes fat. She too has gone through all the things you explain in your blog. But I have seen such a change in her over the passed few years. It is not an easy road as she is still fat but the change came about in her thinking. She dresses nicely to help her feel good about herself, she has started to believe the friends she loves and trusts when we tell her she is great and has a beautifull personality and hey you owe nobody anything what right do they have to have an opinion of you. What you eat is your business. Actually what people say don't upset us as much as OUR REACTION to it. We react in a hurt way we feel unloved,unaccepted and land up depressed. Learn and I know it's hard to speak up for yourself. Or better still ignore them and say they are nothing to me. Listen to your boy friend who loves you and bask in that love . Please write me anytime. I wish you all the best you can give yourself because I'm sure u deserve it. It's shallow people and ignorant people who judge u by your weight instead of getting to know u as a person. Hugs

Thank you so much for your encouragement. Like I said down below, I have lost 30 lbs since I wrote this post. And like you suggested I don't let my boyfriend's mom's comments get to me anymore. Some people just want to be ******** and that's just how it is. I've made peace with that.
Still have my wonderful boyfriend and he still supports me every step of the way. I know now that I am a very very lucky girl! =) We should keep in touch!