a Friend to Talk to ......

a friend to talk to ...

i'm not such a good friend these days.  i wish i was better.  i simply don't possess the energy to put into it.  friendships, as with any type of relationship, take a certain amount of work and investment.  i'm glad to listen.  i'm glad to give advice if i have any.  however, i generally have a difficult time sharing me, my feelings, my problems, my joys, my life ... perhaps it's a trust issue.  i'm not sure.  perhaps i'm not emotionally available.  i really don't know the answer or the truth of the matter. 

i will get only so close to someone before i begin to withdraw.  the more high maintenance they are the more drama they have and create, the less they listen, etc. the sooner i begin to retreat.

i'm ashamed to admit this ... however, it's true.

any ideas?

updated entry - May 30th - i've done nothing but think about this for the past 24 hours or so.  i believe i've figured out my largest 'hang up' with people ... because i'm such a genuine, sincere, giving-generous, kind and warm person, i tend to attract the kind of people who have lots of drama.  i assume this is because i have half a brain to help them think through their problems, because i listen well, because i'm generally very patient and because i don't ever say what truly needs to be said which is; "you do realize you create at least 50% of your problems and the problems you aren't busy creating, you are busy either making them worse or b!tching about them rather than doing anything to change your situation in a positive manner.  so either do something about it or stop your complaining!" 

in essence ... i simply get exhausted by these people.  they are emotional vampires.  they suck the life out of you by continually crying about their problems - the vast majority in which they themselves created.  they are smart enough to know how to fix each situation without my advice.  and do they apply the advice i give them?  no!  why you ask?  i believe them to be in need of attention as well as being bored with their lives.  to solve both they create this drama. 

THIS person i describe - the emotional vampire - is the kind of person i am unable to maintain a lasting friendship with, however, seems to be the only type i meet.  beyond that personality, i'm fairly open to friendship ... and a lasting one.

AbbyNormal AbbyNormal
31-35, F
8 Responses May 29, 2007

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hello im just looking for a friend

You're funny! I love to read from people like you who know enough about human nature to see their own flaws and yet not get caught in the madness that they might attract. Good luck!

oh ... and, chai, i'm glad it helped ... and i'm always hopeful about people ... and usually everything else ... USUALLY ... lol

chai - i don't think you need to consciously throw in the towel with old, stagnant relationships. let the other person do a lil work in the relationship and if they refuse to after a while you will know what to do. you won't need to have a big ordeal or production with them - as a matter of fact i've found in my own life w/ these sort of friendships that we simply fall out of touch and neither one of us makes an effort any more ... which hasn't hurt me nor upset me. i've found i'm actually much better off without them... as you get older and experience different things with different people ... it seems the friends we had as children and teens, even as young adults begin to no longer make sense - as if they filled a purpose during a season in my life. which of course i'm thankful for but sometimes ... moving on is easier than maintaining something that simply doesn't work in your life anymore...

p.i.p. - you are BY FAR no emotional vampire!

Thanks for sharing your experience. It helped me to read it, because I can relate... For me, I on the outside seem to be gregarious and open, but that's just one part of me. I like you, also need a life without harsh ups and downs. I'm not so much attracting these people into my life now, which maybe will help you to take heart and feel hopeful. :) I do still struggle with when to throw in the towel with some of these old relationships. I feel guilty about it, but find that I mostly don't miss having these people as constants in my life.<br />
Rambling am I...Will close for now.<br />
:)

emotional vampire!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love that description. however, the sad part is, i saw way too much of myself in your story. hmmmm.