I Really Need To Step My Game Up, When It Comes To Friends

Unfortunately, I go to school in the evenings, where everyone is gone for the day. I am 24 years old, and I feel like half my life is gone. I just regret wasting so much time trying to create a friend. I called it an imaginary friend. It is very scary how I create it. I feel sick to this day, the reason I did it. Then those stupid psychiatrists, say I had Schizophrenia. I didn't have anything related to that crap. But they insisted I had it. They made me take dumb drugs. They wasted my time. It is all my mom's fault, she made me go see a psychiatrist. They were glad to give me a crazy diagnosis. I had never had it, and I am so mad. I had never heard any voices. Got-Da**-it. Why didn't my parents tell me to stop talking to myself. Why didn't they tell me earlier. God I want to lock lips with a girl, so bad. Feel every knook and cranny in her body. I had some real fine girls checking me out. Fine!!!!! I used to walk with my got-**** head down. Fine, yummy girls. And I walk with my head down. Then I would sit in the car, and talk to myself, pretending someone was actually listening. Like someone was really computing what I am telling them, but no, I was still alone in my car. I destroy my car, my father gave me. It was raggedy, but I could've fixed it. Now that I haven't done that craziness for a week, I actually lost weight. It would feel so weird, how my brain can overload like that. I do listen to a lot of music on the internet. You can basically find any song on Youtube. I listen to Outasight-Good Evening. I just can't get the tune out my head. He would say good-morning, good-evening, I hope you like dreaming. (Something,.you know it, all from positive beat a negative) That part in the parentheses, I made up. But if you listen to the song, and tell me about it. It just have that melody music-tune.

chicago54 chicago54
22-25, M
3 Responses Feb 23, 2010

Dude, I know 100% how you feel bro. I seriously think its some sort of defense mechanism because you have good discernment on human character or low self confidence or something but I also have the wierd habit of just wanting someone to talk to but not being able to open up even if I want to real bad.

@ LordVoldemort: Couldn't say it better myself. I am speechless. Thanks a lot. :)

most of the times, doctors, specially psychiatrists, make up illnesses so they can have a patient!