I Made a Comment But It Became So Extensive I Decided to Make It Into a Story Too

Guy often feel that they fall in love with girls within three seconds of seeing them. That's not true. You are not in love, you are merely feeling physical attraction, which is something else. Males and females are very different beings. Males are primarily attracted to physical beauty. The personality of the girl is not that crucial as long as she is good looking, it's the truth. Women, on the other hand, are primarily attracted to the personality traits and behaviour of men. And that is good! That means you don't have to look like Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom to get yourself a girlfriend. All it takes is self improvement and changing the way you think and the way you see yourself.

I would recommend that you check out the dating dvds and ebooks by David DeAngelo. He is a dating guru and you can learn how to improve yourself so that you BECOME attractive, rather than trying to MAKE women feel attraction to you by using simple pickup lines. Words are about 7% of your communication on the dating scene, there is a hidden language that is spoken using voice level and body language. It is crucial that you are happy with yourself and your model of reality. Why? Because everyone creates their own model of reality and you can't make your reality seem attractive to others if you are not happy with it yourself. Eliminate the thought of failure. Failure does not exist. It is just an opportunity to learn something new. Always behave like YOU are in control. Be calm at all times. OVERLY calm. Two personality traits that can be combined with powerful effect is being cocky and funny at the same time. Cocky and funny. I could go on and on! I am SERIOUS about this, you should definitely check out his material! David DeAngelo. I am watching the Double Your Dating dvds where he talks about his experiences and has guest speakers come and share their knowledge about how the male and female mind works. I have learned a lot. I am not trying to be a smart *** but being a shy insecure *** kisser just hasn't worked out for me. I will never turn into an inconsiderate *****, you can have self esteem without being a jerk. I merely consider this to be self improvement.
Wraither Wraither 22-25, M 12 Responses Jan 1, 2008

Your Response


Thank you all for your inputs

Hey TD:

Whaddya mean ya don't know anything...

(Geez, he's so modest sometimes...)

Having dated women in many areas of the spectrum, I'd like to add that yeah, patchworkofmistakes is right, many, if not most, guys do notice women for physicality first.

However, it should be said there is a BIG difference between NOTICING a woman and ACTING on those impulses.

I'd like to think I'm a fairly attractive guy, but, as with many guys, I sometimes suffer crises of self-confidence.

Maybe I am attractive at times when I am presenting myself that way, perhaps at other times, I'm not.

Everyone has their up and down times.

There have been times (not many, but a few) where I have just basically refused to worry about what is going on with my appearance, and not shaven, basically dampened and straightened the hair, and slapped the shades and black jeans and boots on, and moved with a purpose.

And while you could argue that I'm not making the "effort" to look good, many women like guys who move with confidence and purpose.

They like the idea of being on the arm of a guy who looks like he knows what he's about and could easily go out and kick *** and take names should the need arise.

And yeah, I've gotten more than a few looks from women that way, though frankly not many act on that in a way that strikes up a conversation or (horrors! ) asks me out.

So gals can suffer from that nervousness as much as guys do, I think.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that a lot of guys hardly EVER get asked out, that it DOES provide an opportunity for women to take the brass ring and see if the guy they are interested in goes for them first, if they are so inclined to do that.

If they want guys to ask THEM out, then it seems to indicate that they'll have to work that much harder to get that attention, draw guys to them.

I think that if a guy WAS asked out by a woman, I think they would be so happy to even be noticed, they'd be very inclined and potentially interested in that person regardless of whether or not they thought they were attractive enough to make it work.

I can tell you now that that was in fact the case with my last girlfriend. We talked a lot in e-mails over the phone and had so much in common it was insane.

BTW, I expressed interest in HER first, even though I had no idea what she looked like.

She was recommended to me by friends and I e-mailed her blind, with the proviso that she knew I'd likely be getting in touch with her, as her friends had given her the heads-up about me.

I'll be honest, though, when we met I was a little underwhelmed. I thought the physical attraction would never last between us despite us getting along so well.

Was I WRONG about that! We had a very hot relationship, to say the least, she definitely changed my mind about a lot of things, and I am so glad to have shared my life with her.

So it's not a guarantee, of course, there are still a lot of guys who tend to expect only certain things without doing much about themselves - and indeed, we see the evidence of that cockiness win out time after time, and people who just act on physical attraction and not personality get into trouble all of the time too.

As I get older, I appreciate older, down to earth women much more. I won't lie, I've always been attracted to older women, even when I was in school (grin)...

These are often women who are comfortable with who they are, are much more likely to be more comfortable and inviting to the guys they want to be with.

And believe me, you don't have to be a stunning looking woman for a guy to find that sort of thing irresistible - you just have to feel attractive enough for yourself.

I hope this helps clarify things a little - attraction is not necessarily all all black and white. Some shades of gray DO work, you just have to be focused on them..


PS: Bottom line for me, ALL women are beautiful ;)

I think it may be more accurate to say that men notice physicality - how people present themselves, carry themselves and how consistent their outward appearance is.

Personally, I have never been particularly interested in conventionally "hot" women, and have always automatically been drawn to the quirky females.

But if one wants broader appeal, I think there are three elements that are far more important: an element of mystery, an element of something unattainable, and just enough availability.

Not that I know anything though. :)

The only thing I found depressing was the part where Wraither said guys don't have to be Orlando Bloom to get a girlfriend but men notice physical beauty first, so I guess women have to be Angelina Jolie...depressing.

You're welcome! It's really all David D's doing though, he has such a clear and no nonsense communication style and approach to things. I've learned a lot from his stuff, and not just about the topic at hand, but about maturity, the way that people work and just about learning things from unlikely places.

Amen to you TardyDodo, you explained everything perfectly. Now I won't have to fight a tidal wave of negative comments because you made some things clear. Thanks a lot :)

I think a number of men out there are too nervous around women to actually just be themselves around them. The doubleyourdating material provides a number of temporary crutches to facilitate that. It's really not that easy to 'just be yourself' when people have built up a whole bunch of anxieties and bad information and misperceptions.

Also, some people do not have a very good idea of what "being themselves" entails. How can you be yourself, if you don't know *who* you are? Particularly many people with poor self-image, who might interpret "be yourself" as "be your usually depressive, morose, neurotic self", when that just discounts all the good qualities one has. This stuff focuses on projecting any innate sense of humour, and working on things that make someone unattractive and *difficult* in a relationship.

The other thing that this material is very good at is teaching people about how to make things *fun*, for all involved.

At its heart, it's a very good study of the dynamics between men and women, how to make good things even better, or how to go from being clueless to at least having a bit of a clue.

Having read the e-book, and read a lot of the advice that the canny, smart women of EP have to offer on all areas of dynamics between men and women, I have to say there is a good deal of overlap. The main difference is that this material is arranged in a way that speaks to the male experience of things, and is thus far easier to wrap one's brain around.

Blue, I never had you pegged as a caveman type! Quite frankly, I'm shocked!


lol I guess if ya need to improve in the area of picking up women then this could be a good thing.

I seem to do alright just being me. And always being honest.

I only need to attract one woman at a time and there are so many out there. All ya got to do is just go hit one in the head with your club and drag her back to the cave anyway. lol

The thing is though, I don't think that most people would consider learning new communication skills to better and improve their existing relationship "not being themselves"?

So what's the difference between that, and learning communication skills that broadcast the best aspects of your self?

People are attracted to and infatuated with the best aspects of our selves.

But people develop a deeper love for our fuller selves with faults and all.

Someone who goes around sending out the wrong signals about how good and interesting a person they can be is doing nobody a service, I think.

David D's stuff is excellent for giving people the confidence to act in a way that is more confident and relaxed.

One of his soundbites is to "treat women you're interested in like they're your bratty kid sister".

Now if that's not learning how to be yourself, then what is? ;)

All you got to do is be yourself. If your trying to act a certain way that is not you, you are making a serious mistake.

Be honest that is very crucial when getting to know someone but only if you are interested in a relationship. If you are just wanting to get into there pants then you can lie your head off I guess. I've never just wanted to get into there pants "well that's not true" I've never tried to just get into there pants. I am not a ladies man by a long shot but I have learned that being yourself and being honest is the best policy if you are looking for something real.

It's pretty amazing stuff. It's hard not to read it and recognise the lifelong litany of stupid and ridiculous mistakes that one has been making time and time again.

There are a ton of people on this site who would really benefit just from reading his e-book, never mind the DVD.

I do disagree with your first paragraph though. Men aren't attracted to physical beauty above all else. It's more complicated than that. Men seem to *think* that's what's happening, because that's how they experience attraction. But everyone knows, hot guys fall for "ordinary" women all the time. "What *does* he see in her?!??"