The Patients The Half Glory & The Let Down

The patients part is basicly waiting for the right person that suits you, your style your personality your charactor.

The half glory part is were you wait patiently from the knock backs pick your self up again and try again get lead on think your there then get knocked back again. But you know that you made it at least half way there so you try again & the situation repeats it's self.

The let down part is were you are trying your hardest and some times think you need to try that little bit less. Like maybe i'm trying to hard relax be natural and try again it'll happen right!!!

The story...

I was never that popular at school i was not the best looking lad but yet i had loads of confidence inside but unable to feel comfortable to let it out even now im 30.  But i never let the problem i thought at the time of not getting a girlfriend bother me i just continued through school i never even got a look in. I was always the last to get picked in activites and was always the last choice or the other way i would be useful when it suited them & then only.

You get the picture there so fast forward to leaving school...  I had just left school still no body was remotely interested but i thought i had more or less lived with these girls at school for the 5 years i had been there so i thought future chances have just shot up now im in the real world.

The usual story go to college get a job start living the person i want to be at 16 i found a girl or she found me we were together for 3 years  within that time i was treat badly led on used 2 timed god knows how many times when we broke up i could'nt let go so i took her back twice this happened. I then found another girl all by my self this time at about age 19 i dated her for about a month or so but then my ex girlfriend wanted me back typical but at the time i didnt know any better. So i dumped my present girlfriend and went back to the other girl i could'nt let go. The girl i was currently with and just left was devastated and i copped a lot of heart ache because of it but i was convinced i'd made the right choice with now my ex girlfriend back to my current girlfriend we dated 1 month & she purposely cheated on me so i'd find out. I said thats that your gone i dumped her there and then she tried a few times to get back but i just ignored her and moved on.

Although i didnt try to get back with the other girl as i thought at the time this is wrong so i didnt bother.  The girl i just dumped has been the last girl i have ever had since i was 19  i am 30 now and have not even been in a womans company since.

To brake the rest of the story down...

The girl that i got for my self previously mentioned call her girl 2 we have been in touch since that break up day 11 years ago and still to this day we keep in touch but yet i have never seen her and every time i try, it just doesnt happen their is more to it this is just brief, but i say to my self we have been intouch for 11 years why cant i meet her i have aked how she feels and she just says she wants a happy life with me some day. But that doesnt sound to promising to me every time i try to get close she clams up i have had the hole situation out with her on my occasions but nothing ever came out of it.  She recently said im not going to contact you any more thats it. So far thats the truth 2 month so far. But i thought shes just leading me on as well let her go.

Now going back to were i said never been in a womens company since... continue

I have obviously grown up since call her girl 1 the first girl going through the ages 20 then up to 25 i have had some wild nights with the lads friends the usual typical male.  But girls have never been part of my life ever no girls at all not even as friends or to talk to hang around see or anything.  I like to refer to my situation as being deprived of girls which i think has done me some damage because now i cant even look at a girl im terrified of women if a girl looks at me i lookaway i dont know whats shes thinking their evil i think some of them.

But dont get me wrong their is still a hope their but i wont hold my breath.  But what bothers me is why has 11 years past and i havent been even close not even 3rd place in getting a girl its like girls just dont see me its as if they have all been told from birth stay away form this lad dont even aproach him.  My confidence has long gone no chance of getting it back i wouldnt know were to start even been in womens company scares the sh*t out of me and i hate that i feel that way.  Even now if i try to talk to a girl shaking like a leaf i will just get brushed off or laughed at and i dont even need to speak.

The end to the life long story.... Even though im 30 going 31 my chances were never that great at school and havent improved since leaving school i feel like im being punished for some thing i havent done or being denied from the gods no relationships for this boy. At my age advice isnt that good as i cant be told anything i havent tried already.  When i say ive tried everything i really do mean everything (i dont mean) im fustrated and i want answers tried every thing. I mean those words literally. Ive searched my soul to find the key that unlocks the situation im in as well as picking the brains of every man ive had the pleasure of asking what do i do what should i say and believe me ive come across some experts in pulling a girl or getting a girlfriend like its second nature to them ive even used different techniques from different ways of life like goths the geeks the freaks and the wiredos.  I mean everything their is not a technique that hasnt been tried im just not mentioning them all.

But you have to ask your self for me 11 years without a girl, man something is wrong very wrong.

The end