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It Feels Rather Pathetic . . .

 . . . making public confessions of this nature.  I, like others here, not only want a girlfriend, but have just plain never had one . . . and I'm about to turn 21.  It's not that I'm entirely too shy.  I *can* be very social (I only say can because I go back and forth between being reclusive and social).  The problem for me is that I have a bunch of bizarre quirks, things that make me want to just tell people, "I'll be the biggest mistake you've ever made."  For me, it's not about being good enough.  It's about not bringing someone down with me.
I also have this bad habit of attracting the kind of people that are either just plain weird, or just not my type.  I think that the greatest reason for this that I can think of is that I tend to be the type to wear a mask.  I call it "Kodak Smiles Syndrome."  We all walk around with grins and greet each other with insincere "how are you?"s that demand that even more insincere "I'm good."  After putting that on for so long, you become more of the mask than you are yourself.  Perhaps I attract people entirely dissimilar to myself because I act entirely different than who I am.  Yet, being myself would push everyone I know away.  It wouldn't work.

And . . .

That one person I'm looking for to be *the* one is the one person in the world I want to be real for.  But our entire concept of "scoring" a girlfriend is (sadly) based on what we see on television: if you are yourself, you will always be single, because yourself is just not impressive enough.  It's so backwards.

So, here I am: single, and perhaps somewhat impressive in social situations, but that's not me.  I'm just setting up anyone who ever is attracted to me for a broken heart.  "Sorry, deary, you fell for a different man: a more put-together man."
MissedTheBoat MissedTheBoat 26-30, M 5 Responses Nov 11, 2007

Your Response


This represents exactly my situation. It's so difficult to live in a world where you need to be someone else to have a successful life (which is determined by what society imposed on us: having a wife, buying a house, have kids and than have at least one car.). It is impossible to achieve that if that type of life isn't what you want, which is true for too many people, making it an obligation to become another person that can have that life.

That is why I'm trying to shut down my emotions, but the touch of a girl is too intoxicating for me to completely shut them (yeah, I'm the kind of guy that every girl wants to hug me because they think I'm cute, like a big hugging bear, but nothing more, which is frustrating).

So I found the only way that help me through my life: I'm trying to become nobody, be invisible. Word of advise, don't try it!

yes i seem to attract lesbians or taken girls and i have not had a real 19 and sick of how i am like this i dont want to waste away my loooks gone before i had a gf

Kodak Smiles Syndrome, I have never heard it put that way I love it! I fit your shoes bro and know exactly what you're going through. I have been struggling with the same concept of social plagiarism vs. realism. My last g/f and I dated for 4 years, we both finally came out of hiding around 3.5 yrs and 6 mos later she cheated and left. Just like you I have my moments where I'm the center of attention and then there's days where I turn into a complete introvert.<br />
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The Kodak Smiles Syndrome and I, have been friends for a long time.

I feel somewhat pathetic too, not for confessing my want of a boyfriend (because I never admit that IRL), but for having that want in the first place. Having always been the independent one who's never needed a man for anything, it's hard to admit that I really do want someone.<br />
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I would never follow the ideas of what it takes to "get" a boyfriend, because if I could get someone by those means I wouldn't want him anyways. Like you, I want to be real for my significant other- I may even go as far as to say that I could never be happy in any relationship if I weren't. And, maybe I've been brainwashed by the media, but I just don't know if real is what guys (or people in general) want...<br />
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I'm going to continue becoming more of myself. If someone likes me for me, great. If not, I couldn't be with them anyways. It's still lonely, but..I'm used to that.