It Feels Rather Pathetic . . .. . . making public confessions of this nature. I, like others here, not only want a girlfriend, but have just plain never had one . . . and I'm about to turn 21. It's not that I'm entirely too shy. I *can* be very social (I only say can because I go back and forth between being reclusive and social). The problem for me is that I have a bunch of bizarre quirks, things that make me want to just tell people, "I'll be the biggest mistake you've ever made." For me, it's not about being good enough. It's about not bringing someone down with me.
I also have this bad habit of attracting the kind of people that are either just plain weird, or just not my type. I think that the greatest reason for this that I can think of is that I tend to be the type to wear a mask. I call it "Kodak Smiles Syndrome." We all walk around with grins and greet each other with insincere "how are you?"s that demand that even more insincere "I'm good." After putting that on for so long, you become more of the mask than you are yourself. Perhaps I attract people entirely dissimilar to myself because I act entirely different than who I am. Yet, being myself would push everyone I know away. It wouldn't work.
And . . .
That one person I'm looking for to be *the* one is the one person in the world I want to be real for. But our entire concept of "scoring" a girlfriend is (sadly) based on what we see on television: if you are yourself, you will always be single, because yourself is just not impressive enough. It's so backwards.
So, here I am: single, and perhaps somewhat impressive in social situations, but that's not me. I'm just setting up anyone who ever is attracted to me for a broken heart. "Sorry, deary, you fell for a different man: a more put-together man."