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Some Days More Than Others...

     Being single is great. You have no one to answer to but you, you're completely independent, and you can do what you want, when you want, and not really have to worry about someone else's feelings or what someone else thinks. Now that I write that, that sounds incredibly selfish. But the independence is the key thing, selfishness notwithstanding.

      It's just, some days, I get lonely. I feel empty. I see other couples walking around, holding hands, kissing, constant smiles on their faces. It sickens me. Not in a bad way, it's just because I'm bitter. Because it's coming up on 3 years since I've had a girlfriend in the true sense of the word. I've come close, gone on dates, but things just never seemed to work out. Three long, lonely years.

    It's not like I'm not happy with my life though. I have great, great friends, both guys and girls. I'm studying things I'm really interested in, and I'm out on my own for the first time in my life. I've really never been happier with my life than these years in college. And yet, I miss that connection.

    That connection that only comes through having a relationship. I feel that no matter what I do, what I accomplish... it means nothing if I can't share it with someone I'm that close with, that connected to.

I want to have someone to talk to, about anything and everything. Someone to go out with on weekends, to do things I wouldn't normally do with my friends. Someone to challenge me and support me. I want to have someone to look good for. To be my very best for. Someone to just hold when I've had a crappy day, someone to go to share everything when I've had a great day. I miss the holding hands, the kissing, the things that so sicken me when I'm on the outside looking in at what I can't have. I want to stop pretending that it doesn't bother me that I have no one on Valentine's Day, even if it is a fake holiday pushed by card companies. I want that connection. With anyone, with every girl I see walking by, with every girl that talks to me, it's at the forefront of my mind more and more these days.

From Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (great movie, by the way): "Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention?" I don't mean this completely literally, I don't fall in love with everyone, I just see every girl as an opportunity I'm not taking, especially when they show that kind of attention to me, which really doesn't happen that often.

In just about 2 months, I'll have been alone for 3 years, and have never been in love. Tennyson definitely got it right:

"I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all." 

KeasbeyNights KeasbeyNights 22-25, M 70 Responses Feb 16, 2010

Your Response


def wife time amigo

Save the grief for someone who dies - You're still very, very much alive ;)

those feeling pass once you have passed the 10 year mark.

I really feel what you're feeling. It's like someone put my feelings into words that I am not quite able to put into words. I never ever had a girlfriend. I'm quite okay with singleness but sometimes it's really tough when you have that burning sensation in your heart where you long for that someone special who is dear to your heart, who's your other half, your better half.. Who is there to care for you, encourage you, support you, and who you can pour your heart out to.

It's odd how I've had the same feeling, but not the slightest idea of how to put into words. You've done just that for me, thank you.

Dude!!! Just do it! The best thing about a girl you don't know is..... YOU DONT KNOW HER!!! Say anything, even if you think its dumb, she's too good for you, or whatever you say to yourself that stops you. Worst case scenario you are still single.

I feel as though you have to bring something to that women that she needs! Can't be without! You both have to share that passion for one another! Do you believe in a higher power? or have something that you and that special person can share a special place? That's home base! I use God! He is our foundation... what we run back to when we lose site but you can use other things if that is not your belief system but it works. A Family that prays together stays together. Hey become a millionaire and that will help a lil go here and check it out!

I feel the same except i'm a girl. I want someone to be happy with me and for me. :-)

Amen! want to be in a relationship with just any girl? :S i find that bizarre...personally, i have to REALLY like a guy to be in a relationship with him - i have to decide he is the one that i want to be with. i couldn't just pick & choose between guys like i was shopping.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I totally feel your pain, as I'm in just about the same situation myself.

What really spoke to me is the falling in love with every girl thing XD I'm the same way, even if I don't really like the person. Although I'm different from you in that I don't need someone to talk to, but instead miss being the emotional anchor. I need people, to need me, if that makes sense.

it s sad that there are so many females as males in same boat weather shy or don t get chance to meet or million other reasons. like to see em all get together. i know os couple people that had there heart broke so bad that they will never trust again even afraid to let go and fall in love. always have guard up?? dating sites can be good but lot of them are filled with scam artists . so you do have to be carefull.

Everything that follows an "I want" line, confirms something that you do not [ think to have ] have or something that you [ think to ] need, that is to me, the not-so-good-news<br />
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There is nothing that you need to have apart from yourself to be happy<br />
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No I myself do not have a relationship currently, unless my partner has become very small and stays aside me without my knowledge ;)<br />
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Yes I have had 4 relationships, 3 with a girl and one with a boy, well let's say it was kinda complicated;)<br />
<br />
Obviously there is something missin' [ in your opinion ] otherwise you would not have written such detailed story, which, to me, was expressed well, and easy and interesting to read.<br />
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Well to cut a long story short, I am not a relationship therapist, otherwise I would have had a relationship myself still, or maybe not;)<br />
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That is it, my two cents of added value, in euros of course haha ;)

I think being single is an advantage if you want to do things on your own with out discussion and think in your mind your would have no one to answer two ? But if u love some one and they love you there should be no one holding any one back and If a relation ship is strong you both should be able to help each other with what they want to achieve , it shouldn't be about saying you can't do this and you can't do that I think the key is if you want to do some thing do it but if the other person wants to do something dnt stop them it has to work both ways split down the middle an if you come to a gridlock on something talk about it an compromise that's my theory lol never found any one to think like me yet but I live in hope ha ha x

I understand where you're coming from 100%. I've been going through this as well. Walking down the street and seeing couples I get depressed because I'm constantly asking myself when am I going to find that. But it will happen eventually I guess don't worry. They say good things happen to those who wait. My advice is don't go out looking for love and stressing yourself out about it. When you do that, you just end up wasting your time and never actually finding what you're looking for. Occupy yourself with other things. Take finding a girlfriend completely out of your mind. I promise she'll walk into your life when you least expect it :)

This is exactly me, except I'm a girl, so I guess it happens to both genders. It's that "forever alone" concept and you just can't seem to break out of it. Maybe that special person hasn't come along yet, there's no rush. Just enjoy life and one day she'll just pop in when your least expecting it, bright and shining, and everything will just fall into place. Have a little faith, it'll go a long way.

if you ever need a girls advice dear im here add me and i'll give you advice

pfft i just broke up with mine a few hours ago. its nice to be single. no more complaining or any of that crap.

I have been divorced for the past 28 years, with many failed relationships following that divorce. I pretty much resigned myself to the possibility that I would spend the rest of my life alone. (Alone, but not lonely; there is a difference.) As it turns out, however, the universe had a different plan for me. Through Facebook, I reconnected with a high school acquaintance. He told me that I was his "secret love" in high school, but he was too shy to tell me. He said he would watch me every day as I walked from class to class, wishing he could find the courage to ask me out. Fast-forward: forty-one years later, we are dating exclusively and are very much in love; there may even be wedding bells in our future.<br />
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It is never too late to find love; the important thing is to be open to it.

i am 21...never had a girlfriend....wish i had someone to hold when i had a bad day....:-(

There are certainly advantages and disadvantages to being single. But from your comments you seem to be concentrating on the disadvantages. What about the serenity and calm that comes from doing what you wish... when you wish? You can have your castle neat and clean or have live with your own clutter. If you don't feel like doing the dishes you don't have to. You can watch what you want on TV. Of course you reap the consequences of every action... or lack of action. ;)<br />
<br />
As several have pointed out and I will certainly echo... a bad relationship is even worse. What seems on the outside as all warm and fuzzy could be a tension of words and issues at other times. You have a lot of freedom right now. Revel in it.<br />
<br />
Ask a married person how much freedom they have? How much sleep they get? What problems they had do deal with in their own home last week... disposal income because of their responsibilities? Add one... two... or more kids to the mix... and your life right now will seem like nirvana... or heaven in comparison. They will be envious of your freedom and your situation.<br />
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So yes... that intimacy can be very tempting... very desirable. And some don't cope well with being alone for long periods. But... there are other ways to mix with friends... or make new friends and share a part of your life. But solitude has its rewards if you seek them out and enjoy them to the fullest.

i hope im not repeating anything anyone else said, dont have the patience to go through previous comments. Yes you may be able to share things with that one person, and she or he can share things with you. But that one person is never going to be able to offer you everything. even if you think he or she does, he or she cant, its simply impossible. i find it better to be single for the rest of your life, yes, sounds depressing, however, you learn more about the world itself than seeing the world inside one human being. The world is an amazing place, so travel it, learn about its wonders, secrets, phenomenons, etc. A woman nor another man can offer something so amazing, they can only offer themeselves and what they have to offer. If you explore more, you meet new people who have more to offer, each thing to offer being new each time. You just wouldnt have that kind of freedom in a relationship. no one needs love to survive in life, screw that and the people that think it.

Dear, <br />
<br />
you are describing me when you write this, I even had some tiny tears gathered in my eyes .. <br />
love is a great gift, at some point i said "love forgot about me" even though I deserve to love and to be kissed over and over again .. there is nothing wrong with me :) <br />
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I love love, and I love to see those who are in love.. and deep inside of me .. even though am happy where I am .. I want to be inlove <br />
<br />
I hate it when I get romantic, when I write poetry.. and can't give that to someone.. I want a man that I write my poetry to .. <br />
when I day dream .. I want a real face .. not any actor I saw in some movie .. :) <br />
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i love myself, i love my friends and I love people all around me .. call it passion for life, and that helps me to think of other things than a love between a woman and a man .. <br />
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I just look at myself in the mirror and say " how could any man not see you as a woman?" <br />
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of course, there comes the part when u finally gave your heart to someone and were too afraid to tell him, he loved your best friend! WOW... what a beautiful experience ! haha .. I like to joke about my life .. yeah he was a fool, for loving her eyes instead of mine.. but u know what ?! love will be found, when we least expect it ..<br />
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just go, and never expect it :) .. <br />
<br />
<br />
peace *hugs*<br />
<br />
<br />
u need a new friend ? text me ;) ! I know i do

I can feel you pain. I'm 45 years old and I have NEVER had a significant other. It's not like I've not tried; but every time I've asked someone to go out they come up with some excuse. Then I see them with a guy the very next day. It has been years since I've tried to go out on a date. To tell you the truth, I've quit trying. It's obvious females don't want a guy like me. I don't look like other guys (i.e. not very good looking) plus I've had some problems in the past with my personal life that probably has scared them off. I would love to have someone to go out with from time to time but it's just not meant to me. I might as well accept it. At least you're younger and have got some time; my time for finding someone has just about run out. I hope you do have a family that loves you because, outside of my family, no one cares about me. I guess when all my relatives die I might as well kill myself because it will be better to be in a better place with people I know than here on earth all alone. Take care of yourself and do good in college.

I agree with you JustBeWhoYouAre, but sometimes it is difficult for someone who does not fully comprehend the concept of "true-self", to find it.<br />
I have tried to find my true-self and I believe I have grasped a little bit of it for just a few times in my life, and it has felt great, and I cannot imagine what kind of wonderful feelings would come if I get to fully understand it.<br />
I had a 7 years relationship which had a lot of ups and downs (probably more downs than ups), and helped me learn more about life, but also helped feel this need for a woman, which does not exist in my life now, and with whom I could share my life: hold hands, kiss, sleep, wake up, go out, let her know that I love her, share all my feelings and emotions, eat with. A honest woman that could make me feel that all my feelings towards her are reciprocate, and at the same time we could support each other while growing up spiritually.<br />
I believe I am asking for too much, and I try to go to the spiritual side, but there is always a time when I let this other side of me pulls me and makes me feel lonely and sometimes frustrated since at my age, I have not been able to find what I would like to have in my life, but then I think about something that is just true for me: One gets what one truly wishes for and deserves, and makes me wonder if I will ever find that special person with whom I might share my material and spiritual life.<br />
I think love such a wonderful feeling, that can make people change, that can make one archive "impossible" goals, but such feeling is only capable of such things if it is pure: honest, respectful towards God, others and oneself.<br />
May God bless you and guide you all.

hey...whatever you have written is right.... actually i feel the same problem in me. but think this way LOVE isa precious is not just holding hand and kissing .it is more than that. you have to CHANGE YOURSELF FOR YOUR PARTNER.SOMETIMES . if u waana make gf just beacuse you don't have one.then i can assure you there would be lack of trust between you and your problem.a situation may come when your partner would stop you to do things you she feels jealous when you meet youe female friends.. you need to able to react in such a way that no one neither your girlfriend nor youe friend get hurt. So i would sugest you to wait for your right person. trust me god has made a beautiful girl for u. and she is waiting there. don't cheat her. be reserved for her who deserves you...:)

hey...whatever you have written is right.... actually i feel the same problem in me. but think this way LOVE isa precious is not just holding hand and kissing .it is more than that. you have to CHANGE YOURSELF FOR YOUR PARTNER.SOMETIMES . if u waana make gf just beacuse you don't have one.then i can assure you there would be lack of trust between you and your problem.a situation may come when your partner would stop you to do things you she feels jealous when you meet youe female friends.. you need to able to react in such a way that no one neither your girlfriend nor youe friend get hurt. So i would sugest you to wait for your right person. trust me god has made a beautiful girl for u. and she is waiting there. don't cheat her. be reserved for her who deserves you...:)

I know where you are coming from. Am a well educated, smart, relatively successful but physically unattractive bloke myself. Alone for most of my adult life. Concentrate on other things, make the best of your life and just accept that relationships are something you just can't have. Just get on with being as happy and fulfilled as you can. Forget about girls. If you do get to know someone chances are they will do something to deliberately hurt you just because they can. You can't change the world but that does not stop you from being a successful human being. Been places and done things that most people can only dream of. Accept the situation and move on.

You are right.Its worthless achieving something when there is noone to share that achievement with. But I think that the right person will come along at the right time. I have noticed this weird pattern of life. Heck, I have experienced it. You will surely get the things which you 'really' and 'truly' want in life, in the truest sense of the word. People try to pass these kind of things as miracles, but nothing is a miracle really.<br />
Wish you luck