Why Do My Good Intentions Make Me A Bad Person?

I'll try keep this short and sweet. Basically, I've managed to get myself tangled in a love triangle. Whilst with my ex partner my best friend developed feelings for me and we spent a year just trying to repress them. My boyfriend at the time was never exactly there for me, and the best friend was always there as a shoulder to cry on. Eventually, I ended things with my boyfriend - although we had our ups and downs I felt as though if my best friend wasn't there then we could have resolved our issues. But our friend group pressured me until I finally thought "if it upsets my best friend then I shouldn't be with my boyfriend". I've always been incredibly passive, which is never a good thing. But I just wanted to keep everyone happy. Seven months on and I still have feelings for my ex. I miss him. I do not wish to pursue any form of intimate relationship with my best friend which he understands and says that if I was to move on and be happy then he would be happy for me... However not with my ex. All of his friends of course are bias, they accuse me of messing with his head and upsetting him which in turn upsets him as he doesn't like people slandering his best friend. I'm nothing but honest and supportive with him, am I suppose to do what he wants, rather than what I want? It doesn't help that he has depression. I just want to support him but I can't do that with his friends accusing me of messing him around. My best friend knows where my intentions lie, but his friends make him paranoid and doubt me. Which hurts. I just want to make everyone happy. But I can never truly be happy if I continue to do that. Things are so tough.
I don't know how to help him or help myself or what the right thing to do is anymore. Why do all my good intentions result in a bad portrayal of myself. I'm not a bad person am I?

I want and need a hug... Just to let me know that not everyone is against me.
Downtherabbithole23 Downtherabbithole23
18-21, F
Jan 7, 2013