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Girlfriend Application....lmfao!

The Basics...
1.What is your FULL NAME?
2.What is your date of birth..?
3.How many siblings do you have?
4.Do your siblings have a habit of hitting on your girlfriends?
5.Do either of your parents have a habit of hitting on your girlfriends?
6.What is your occupation?
7.How long have you had this current occupation..?
8.How many occupations have you had within the last two years?
9.Where do you reside/hunker down/hide out/stay?
10.How long have you resided/hunkered down/hid out/stayed at this location?
11. Do you live alone, with roomies, with parents, etc.?
12.Do you own or rent?
13.Do you have any pets?
14.If yes to question 13, what kind of pets and how many?
15.Do you clean up after such named pets on a daily basis?



Health...
16.Have you ever had to "sneek off" to make a visit to the "free clinic" for fear that you've possibly acquired something that AJAX won't wash off?
17.Have you actually been told by the doctor at such said "free clinic" that you actually DO have something that AJAX won't wash off?
18.Do you have a therapist?
19.If yes, do you have your therapist's HOME phone number?
20.Are you currently taking any anti-depressants or anti-psychotics?
21. If yes, please list all medications and dosages.
22.Have you ever been told by a professional or NON professional that you are, in fact, completely insane?   
23. If yes, please list full names and contact number to such individuals who have made that statement to you.
24.Do you bathe on a daily basis?
25.Do you groom yourself and brush your teeth on a daily basis?
26.Do you wear clean clothes every day?
27.How high is your sex drive?
28.How experimental are you sexually?
29.Have you ever had to make a visit to the ER because of an accident that happened druing sex?   
30.Have any of your sexual partners had to make a visit to the ER because of an accident that happened while having sex with you?



Past Relationships.....
31.How many relationships have you had within the past two years..?
32.Are there any of your exes that you are now "bestfriends" with?
33.How jealous are you in a relationship?
34.How controlling are you in a relationship?
35.How open minded are you in a relationship?
36.How many times a week did you and your most recent ex argue?
37.Who broke up with who?
38.Why was there a break up?
39.How long were you with your most recent ex?
40. Please list the full names and contact information for your last 5 exes.



Community Living...
41.Do you or have you ever had a criminal record?
42.Are you currently on probation of any kind?
43.Do you know any policemen or judges on a first name basis because of legal issues?
44.Have you been told that ORANGE actually looks good on you?
45.Have you ever been accused of being domestically violent or abusive?
46.Have you ever seen the back seat of the same police car more than once?
47.Do you find that you're more comfortable being in a building that has bars on the windows instead of being outside in a park?
48.Have you ever, or are you currently, attending any AA or NA meetings?
49.Do you do illegal drugs?
50.Have you ever fantasized about ways to kill your ex?



In Conclusion.....
51. Please list FIVE reasons why you feel that you should be considered for this position.
52. Please list FIVE reasons why you WANT this position.
53. Please list all hobbies, habits, clicks, ticks, and twitches that you might have.
54. Please list the top FIVE bestfriends in your life with contact information.
55. If considered for this position, there will be an interview conducted where.. you will have to take me out on a date.Where would you take me and what would we do?

concreteardrop concreteardrop 31-35, F 15 Responses Feb 5, 2010

Your Response

Cancel

ok... Let me know whoever applies:)

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This is hilarious! Love it :) did you find the lucky girl yet?

Ah, sadly, no....no prospects yet...LMFAO!

LOL!! This was a fantastic application! Only slight modifications needed and you can apply it to friends, future employers...I mean, you just never know right? :) <br />
<br />
(Did you find someone who fits this criteria yet? If so, do they have any available siblings? lol)

LMFAO! Haven't found anyone that fits just yet...beginning to wonder if that person EXISTS!

*crosses fingers* I suppose you could relax the criteria in a few subtle areas, but I'd keep the 'free clinic' stuff pretty rigid. lolol

1.Thomas Coyne IV<br />
2.January 14, 1964<br />
3.I have two sisters.<br />
4.My sisters do not have a habit of hitting on my girlfriends.<br />
5.My parents are currently deceased.<br />
6.My current occupation is tutor.<br />
7.I have had my current ocupation for three (3) Months.<br />
8.I have been retired since 2003.<br />
9.I live in Middleton, WI.<br />
10.I have lived here for 1 year.<br />
11.I admit I am currently married...I am just doing this because you said so.<br />
12.I own my condo.<br />
13.I have 9 rescued cats.<br />
14.N/A<br />
15.I clean up after them every day.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Health...<br />
16.I have never had to "sneek off" to make a visit to the "free clinic" for fear that I've possibly acquired something that AJAX won't wash off?<br />
17.I have never actually been told by the doctor at such said "free clinic" that you actually DO have something that AJAX won't wash off?<br />
18.I have three therapists ( explanation provided upon request.<br />
19.I do have 2 of my therapist's HOME phone numbers.<br />
20.I am currently taking any anti-depressants.<br />
21.A list of medications will be provided at the interview.<br />
22.I have never told by a professional or NON professional that I are, in fact, completely insane? <br />
23. N/A<br />
24.I bathe on a daily basis?<br />
25.I groom myself and brush your teeth on a daily basis?<br />
26.I wear clean clothes every day?<br />
27.Admittedly my sex drive has been low of late. Further explanation available at interview.<br />
28.I am not very experimental sexually?<br />
29.I have not ever had to make a visit to the ER because of an accident that happened druing sex.<br />
30.None of my sexual partners has had to make a visit to the ER because of an accident that happened while having sex with you.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Past Relationships.....<br />
31.I have had 1 relationship within the past two years.<br />
32.I am not "bestfriends" with any of my exes.<br />
33.I am not jealous in a relationship.<br />
34.I am not usually very controlling in a relationship.<br />
35.I am open minded in a relationship.<br />
36.I do not argue with my wife. Further explanation available at interview.<br />
37.All my girlfriends broke up with me. No contest.<br />
38.I was emotionally stunted due to brain injury. Further explanation available at interview<br />
39.I was with my first inimate partner 1.5 years. Second partner 1 year. Wife almost 14 years<br />
40. Info on exes and wife available at interview.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Community Living...<br />
41.I have no criminal record. I have less than 5 speeding tickets and less than 5 parking tickets. No accidents were my fault.<br />
42.I am not currently nor was I ever on probation.<br />
43.I know no law enforcement officials nor do I know anyone in the judicial system.<br />
44.I have never been told ORANGE looks good on me, even at Halloween.<br />
45.I have never been accused of domestic violence or abuse.<br />
46.I have never been in the back seat of a police car.<br />
47.I am comfortable anywhere, bars or not because I have nothing to fear...except negativew responses from women I ask out.<br />
48.I am not in, nor have I been in a recovery program of any kind.<br />
49.I ingest drugs prescribved by a physician only.<br />
50.I have never fantasized about ways to kill anyone with whom I have been intimate.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
In Conclusion.....<br />
51. I only know one wat to please a woman and I care nothing for my own pleasure, I am funny, intelligent, articulate, and eager to please.<br />
52. Please see above for the answer to this question.<br />
53. I have far too many hobbies to list here. Further explanation available at interview.<br />
54. I can name names but I will do so only at the interview. I wish to respect their privacy and some are on vacation.<br />
55. If you are so gracious as to allow me an interview, I will take or met you (your choice) to a five (5) star establishment for a fine dining experience, after which we might like to sample a local pub (your choice) for some drinks and continued conversation whereby you may present me to some of your most trusted friends for intense, intentional grilling at your leisure.

I love it!!!! You sound like such a perfect gentleman!!! Tell your wife that I said she is so lucky to have you!!! *kisses*

I have nothing at home...that is why I am here in large part...

I would happily fill this out but, alas, I am a guy and I know I just would not measure up...

Fill it out anyway! LOL!

hhaha good luck. my gf said it's hard to find someone you love on the internet.

awww so true good luck.

They used to send men on missions also in stories! :)

This makes me remember a story, set in old times, where this lady presented this sort of questionnaire to every man that came for her hand :)

how does the story go I would like to hear it!!

lol. This is guaranteed to keep away the pla<x>yers. Good luck :)

omg are u really looking for a gf? im interstd but thats alot to fill out. cant we just talk!! lol.

Wow!!! its like applying to a relationship Job....funny :)

Wow!!! its like applying to a relationship Job....funny :)

I have already filled this thing out...lmao