Tired of the Rut...

I always knew I liked ladies and had had a few exerpiences before, but lately I've realized that men just don't do it for me.  Too bad for me I'm already married.  I feel stuck now, and I don't know how to get out or to tell my hubby.

At any rate, I would kill to wrap my arms around a woman again and take her.  I spend half my time fantasizing about it.  Don't know what to do, and not really even looking for sympathy.  Just thought I'd get it off my chest.

BayouPrincess BayouPrincess
26-30, F
8 Responses Feb 27, 2009

Hi,<br />
<br />
Having been in your husband's position, I can empathize with your situation. My marriage failed because she decided that she was gay, but my ex-wife was honest with me the whole way and I was a part of the evolution of her "decision". The honesty allowed me to understand why and understand that whilst it was frustrating and hurtful, the end of the marriage wasn't my fault and wasn't within my control, something that really helped me process it all and deal with it.<br />
<br />
Please be honest with him.<br />
<br />

Sounds like khako is on the right track. If I was your husband I would want to know and probably react like hers did

Yep, Greg hit it right on the nose. If you have kids consider their welfare first. If not then talk to the husband after you've figured out EXACTLY what it is you want.

I THINK....one of your first considerations is whether you have children with your husband, cuz their welfare (and becoming the product of a broken family) should be considered first. They can't control what happens to them...it's their parents who start the problems, if any are created. <br />
<br />
Assuming there are no children involved, you should look at your living situation. Are u unhappy with your husband himself...or just the fact that you want to play with a woman but can't because you feel you can't tell him that? There are clubs where you can go to satisfy your needs and still remain with your husband (depending on what kind of guy he is, of course). He might even WELCOME a nice change of pace like that, particularly if you include him in your FF play activities...watching, taking pix, participating...whatever.<br />
<br />
Ultimately, you need to look at the overall effects on all parties involved. If there are kids, that's a special circumstance and u might wanna wait til they are grown...or at least well into their teens. If you are miserable with your hubby and u fight every day, that's a different story. But if you're simply sexually bored and want to have some "fun" nights, then perhaps staying with your hubby, keeping things intact on the home front and still getting to play in the way you want is the ultimate answer. As a victim of a former spouse who had multiple affairs on me (but with men, not other women), I know it would have been better to KNOW about it and not find out by accident the way I did. So your best option is to tell your husband in all cases...talk it out. If he's totally unreasonable or violent about it, then you need to get out. But what if he's receptive to the idea of you having some play friends? Could add a new dimension to your sex life. That's my $.02 worth.

Bayouprincess,what i think is if you are bi then your husband may not have problem because he will not loose his wife to other man.But if you do not want to keep sex with him and only with other woman then there is a clash.Be very clear about what you want in your mind and then talk about tourself with your husband.If he really loves you he surely will help you to do the needfull.

I perfectly understand your feelings. I'm only attracted to women as well. Of course I don't have a husband to deal with --- lol<br />
On the real side - I also agree with Aries, you're better off coming out to hubby. Men are usually fairly accepting of bi women as long as they still get to play. <br />
However, if you really come to the realization that you are not into men at all then I think its only fair to both of you to think about ending the relationship.

I agree with Aries... I think you need to talk to him about it, are you still in love with him?

well it kinda depends..do you still want to be with ur husband?im sure hes not a bad guy..if you do want to be with him,you might wana tell him otherwise these feelings/thoughts are just gona tear you apart completely!believe me,i was scared to tell my boyfriend that i was bi..and it doesnt bother him..altho he doesnt want to share me..which is what ur hubby might want to do is keep you all to himself..which could pose as a problem if you like women..but be truthful cuz you'll feel better in the end