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Nice To Be Loved And Valued.

I've experienced lots of bad relationships and recently I've read a piece on why I kept attracting unavailable men and noticed that the problem was me. I keep attracting them because I was not emotionally secured. It doesn't mean I am clingy or whatever. It means that I think I love him but it's not true. Hard to explain what I mean. Anyway as we all know, alike attracts alike. For many years I wanted real love but never got it. I would dream of that day when I find love and now I don't bother. I think I gave up and thought I don't care if I don't ever find love. I am 42 and although I've read stories where older people found love, they're lucky. In my experience I don't think I'd ever find one because I've had bad relationships and I still think about my ex boyfriends who've put me though bad times. I still cry about it too.

I envy others who've found love and wished I experience that just once in my lifetime.

Anyway thanks for listening. If you're gonna respond please don't say you'll find someone one day blah blah cuz that's patronising.
Myalee Myalee 41-45, F 4 Responses Jan 7, 2013

Your Response


I know what u mean, I want the same thing

I know that you don't want to be patronized but I was 41 when I met my current husband. It's never too late. Just work on you and grow. That way when you are ready you will attract a healthy one.

I had a lot of bad relationships myself, traumatic, abusive, etc. And I also had my own bipolar and son's severe bipolar with psychotic features, oppositional defiant disorder, severe ADHD and pervasive development disorder to deal with, so I totally understand. And I also had another child and basically no child support, no involvement from Daddio. Ugh. It was rough! I totally get it. I was unstable for years and so was my son. Our house was violent and holes in every wall from my son. It never stopped, it seemed. This happened for years.

So, I immersed myself into family counseling on and off for years and just focused on us. I accepted the fact that I would be single the rest of my life and I was okay with that. For the most part.

But one week I had a huge spiritual experience like never before. I prayed for days on end, read the Bible (New Testament) and just talked to God about EVERYTHING. I asked for forgiveness for everything I could think of and He heard my prayers. FINALLY heard and answered my prayers!

I don't mean to push my beliefs on you, but I am going to share with you what worked for me because it was miraculous!

The Bible says that God hears the prayers of the righteous, so always ask for forgiveness before asking for help in prayers; so He hears you.

1 Peter 3:12
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their prayers; But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

God is not bad, this is just how He works.....And we all do evil.... so always ask for forgiveness first before prayer and then He will HEAR your prayers.

So during this huge spiritual experience, I got on my knees and cried (a lot) and asked God for the perfect husband for me and my children. A man who would understand our disorders, accept them and give us the help and support we needed. I prayed that he would be affluent, have excellent health insurance so we could get better and I had a LONG itemized list of what I wanted and needed. I also prayed that he would have a good retirement package.... haha. I prayed that he would accept my children as his own and everything I could think of..... I prayed for everything. Love, true love and devotion/commitment, SECURITY, etc.

Well three months later I met him and married him. We've been together 10 and a half years. The story goes on if you are interested.

Oh yeah I'm interested. Tell me more ! It sounds lovely!

To reiterate: After I repented for everything I could think of, I prayed that my husband would be all the below, I met my husband just three months after my prayer too, btw. Again I prayed that my future husband would be affluent, have a good and stable job, have excellent health insurance, have a retirement package (I prayed for security) and that he would love me with all his heart, and I him. I prayed that we would be perfect for each other, as if God made us for only each other. I prayed that he would be mentally and emotionally stable and wise. I prayed he would love my two young adult children like his own and help them out financially when they needed help, especially my son with the slew of mental illnesses that he has. I prayed my husband would be a Christian, which was big for me to want and I prayed that he would read the Bible everyday and then I upgraded that in my prayer to God and prayed that he would read the Bible every morning and every night. I prayed that my future husband would be calm and not a screamer, since most of my former boyfriends would scream and get abusive when we fought. I prayed for everything I could think of, except him cleaning he house. lol - so true, he doesn't do the dishes. Who cares with this package, right? I prayed and prayed for a week, all day long, in tears, after I repented for everything I could think of. I read the Bible and studied the New Testament. Oh, and I prayed he would have an education. And I also prayed he would accept me exactly as I was with my depression as severe as it was with all the time I spent in bed just being clinically depressed, up and down all day long.

So when I met my husband he wasn't all that I prayed for,,,, YET. But he had huge potential and I knew the financial problems were temporary, as he was going through a three year divorce and was 1.5 years into the divorce when we met. At that time, there was no extra money because he was paying a huge sum for alimony, child support, and also paid his divorce attorney, which was about $3,500/month for all these expenses. He was driving on four bald tires and needed new work clothes (he's in corporate.) But we were in love. We lived off love for the first couple of years. He had to file bankruptcy at one point because the divorce wrecked him financially and his house was in foreclosure, getting ready to be sold in auction and my car on the repo list for months and months on end. I hid my car from the bank until I was able to catch up on payments and keep it. I even drove on an expired registration for 6 months and was stopped by a cop once who thankfully had mercy on me and didn't write the ticket which saved me over $500 and having to go to court.

My husband was Jewish when we met, so I put my Bible in the bathroom and, Myalee, he read the ENTIRE New Testament on the throne and got saved in a few short months and my prayers were all starting to get answered and all at the same time. We started going to church, money started coming in. His retirement package was a bit small, but something. There were circumstances were we were going to need over $2000 additional money per month to help my son with his disorders and living expenses.

I again got on my knees repented, crying to the Lord with real tears asking for help. Two weeks later, we came into money, a lot of money. Enough to support my son with his disability and our retirement package was multiplied by OVER 1000%.

We have now been together going on 11 years and my husband is everything to a tee that I asked for in prayer. EVERYTHING!

I was able to see a better psychiatrist, after we got married, and I started different medication and was slowly getting better with my depression with his love and security. There are still issues with my son, but he too has come a long way and he is getting better mentally and emotionally. My daughter is doing great, earned her Master's Degree when only 24 and in a healthy relationship with her boyfriend. I have two step children, one adult male and one a 13 yr old female, who the female, I am helping him raise. She is precious!

So the moral of my story is repent and get into the Word of God and read the New Testament. Ask God for what you NEED and DESIRE. He will hear and answer your prayers. And it's amazing, my husband has read the entire Bible over and over, at least six times over these past 11 years. He's in the Word of God every morning and every night, as I prayed for. I never told him this was my prayer until a couple of years ago. lol

I myself, started going to a ministry which is called, The Healing Room, and my depression has been lifting. I have been getting more functional and I KNOW that God is healing me physically from my clinical depression. What a testimony! God has so much for you, Myalee, we just have to ask for forgiveness everyday and seek Him. I didn't do it perfectly, but God did. I wish you the best. Your son is a lot like mine and I know how difficult it is being a single mother of a son with special needs.

Psalm 37:4
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

And remember, I was 41 when I met my husband. There's a very special man out there for you too. :-)

OMG! that's my story right there and I'm only 27 years old. I always wonder if I will ever find someone who really loves me. But I always inspire myself that God is in control, if it was meant to be, it will be..I pray about it too:)

You're 27 years old. You're still young and I truly hope u find a lovely man one day. Never give yourself away, always keep your friends and your regular life cuz if he walks away u will still have your friends and reg life and the pains of loss won't be so unbearable. I'm still on my own today. :(

the both of you will find that special guy ,honest to god you will. heck the both are only what 27 , lol your just getting started . test them alllll out tight now :) lol its just when you get to 47 that u got to start to worry :) .. havea nicee nite

Thanks. That's sweet. I'm 42. The other lady is 27. She have a chance. I don't.

I appreciate your honest story. After 40s the attitute changes, the demands, the tolerance... And perhaps we learn to love ourselves first (= cliche? Can be). I just dont know if loving myself is going ever satisfy my need to be loved...

Well if you do love yourself, that's a bonus!