I Want a Married Lover...

... because I'm married and the stakes have to be the same for both of us.  No home-wrecking, emotional games or ties; just be tuned into your sexuality and what you want from it.  Life is very short, and the point is to live.  Answer your body, don't ignore it.  Listen to the carnal voice inside you and say yes this time.

daytimelover daytimelover
36-40, M
9 Responses Mar 19, 2009

If you are not completely satisfied in the marriage, and it does sound like it, then maybe try to seek counseling , and see if your partner would agree to this. But to have an affair with someone outside the marriage-( that is also married ) is wrong. First , I am not trying to judge you ,as that would be wrong of me to do so, just trying to give you some advice. It is not only immoral it is not a Christian thing to do. When we take the marriage vowels , we are suppose to try to honor them and take them very seriously . You are not only gambling getting caught ( which could be a very dangerous thing) you are putting yourself at risk for possible STDS. Then if that would happen... everyone gets hurt in the end. If you have real true love in this marriage , then you need to try to see if you both can seek some kind of counselling, and work on trying to salvage your relationship. Sex is a very beautiful thing to share with your mate , but if you are married to someone that absolutely shows no interest at all ( if this is the case) , then you may have to see if there is something medically wrong with them . Remember love is not about sex, it is about sharing , caring , companionship, trusting, compromising. Good luck...

i am married also and the stakes would be even, I am ddf

i am married also and the stakes would be even, I am ddf

neighbor?? Probably so! if for no other reason than the risk of getting caught is that much greater. I live about 5 miles from my guy, but in our town that's far enough not to run into each at the store, etc. But we still run the risk of being seen by someone who knows one of us if we stay too close to home. and our own homes are off limits!

Thanks, Kelki and muddywaters. It's encouraging to know there are people (okay, women) out there who understand that life's complicated but don't react by turning and running from it. Glad you've both found some success and satisfaction with your situations. I agree that coworkers should probably be out of bounds, but dear me, those can be some of the most, um, frustrating relationships, don't you think? Oh, and I guess my neighbor should be off-limits too, right? I'm (half) joking.

I do like your philosophy and wish I had some advice for you! I've only had one lover, the guy I'm involved with now. Our relationship developed very slowly, over about 2 years. I was the hold out, even to the point of telling him several times, nicely, that all I wanted was friendship, that I was happy in my marriage, etc. He never pushed or asked, and was just patient, friendly, and always a lot of fun to be around. One day a fundraiser put us together at the golf course he works at, and he drove me around to take pictures (pre-arranged). We had blast, laughing and talking. Then, at a point on the course where no one could see us, he pulled me over and kissed me on the side of the head in a very natural way. For me that was the catalyst; I couldn't forget it. (guess I agree with Kelki here!) Even so, he let me make up my mind, never pushing but at the same time letting me know that he was interested in more - "two souls searching for a way to collide" was the way he put it. I'm sure my story is different because I wasn't looking for anyone at the time and neither was he, yet somehow we found each other. If both people are looking it would probably develop quicker. One key may be the fact that I knew he liked ME, not just my body for sex. In fact, just about the only time he ever saw me for those 2 years was early morning in the gym when I'd come in with bed-head hair, no makeup and gym clothes. I knew it wasn't my looks that kept him interested! I think that's something that appeals to most women - when the guy is interested in THEM, their mind, their thoughts and opinions as well as their body.

Sex with a married lover is wonderful! As for a secret handshake, there is none...As for rejection, that is rare... In my case it was just plain old instant chemistry and it just keeps getting better. As a rule, I don't screw around with anyone that may have a connection to my husband's or my work. The best of luck in your search and I guess it's in his kiss!

Thanks, both, for the comments. As a practical matter, how do you know a potential lover is up for it? How would you let a married person know you're into them? Is there a secret handshake? Or do you just have to develop a thick skin for rejection and go in guns blazing? I'm a complete novice at this, obviously...

Speaking from experience with married lovers, they are ideal. One of the rules I follow religiously is to never screw around with someone who has less to lose than myself. Good luck to you in your search. The sex is extremely rewarding when you pair up with the right person.