In Law

Hi my name is Donna, i am a mother of 3 sons and 1 daughter. I have given a lot of thought about the gap between mils and dils and have decided there is no way that anyone person has the answer to this dillima. My stoty is painful to write as it involves a lot of negative emotions. No one can know the pain of rejection unless they have experienced it as a lot of mothers i know personally have, myself included. I was so hurt by our sons acceptance to reject his ENTIRE FAMILY after his marriage to his high school sweetheart, i could not comprehend how our son whom we loved and raised could do such a horrific deed. My comments are made by my personal experiences with my oldest sons wife. We lost 18 years with our son and family. It was all good, we are a good family. not perfect, we have our difficulties as all real families do. Our son went into the navy in sept of 1981 ,he was 18 years old. It was a difficult time for the family. His two brothers and sister were very close. anyway my youngest sister Leda was 34 and her husband shot and killed her thursday Oct15. 1981, I called the navy base and was told that my son would not be able to attend the funeral as she was not immediate family. so a bittersweet moment i decided to wait until we went to his graduation to let him know about his aunt Leda. I could not tell him was too hard a bittersweet moment for us. so very proud of our son and grieving the loss of my sister. Christmas was coming. Our son was coming home on leave, so happy, anyway he called and was making plans to marry his high school sweetheart another bittersweet moment trying to be happy for our son and grieving the loss of Leda. To make it short his new wife was not understanding of our situation or our finances due to my husband losing work to stay with me at a time of need in my life, we gave our son a ten dollar bill for his wedding day.another bitter sweet moment/ I will talk more later as i am going for a swim. bye for now

mother mother
61-65, F
7 Responses Aug 1, 2008

I am sorry for what you've been threw it hurts to be rejected by in laws , i was rejected by my mother in law she didnt eccept me becalse she had plans for my husband her son . some times in law can be like a big box of candy you dont know what you will get when it comes to in laws. i dont wish any bad things on my mother in law for all she did to us but it really stings our relationship becalse i really wanted a mother in law daughter in law relationship , but it is only on the surface becalse she will never say shes sorry but i know saying i am sorry wont fix much ,but it would be nice to hear . ive said i am sorry for my part its a long story you would have to read it . but i do wish things were better for you becalse seems like you've been threw alot . i pray things get better . things with my mother in law have gotten better but our relationship could be better its only what she wants she cant see the pain shes caused her son and me . if she ever needed anything i would be there for her . good luck mother i pray it gets better for you .

i am so sorry about your sister . i hope her husband got locked up for many years.why is your sons wife not understanding the finances, etc. she should be more feeling.one day she could be in that situation. you gave that 10.00 from your heart.its hard on mother in laws many times. i have been fortunate to have a beautiful mother in law and she supports me and hubby.

I'm all for a good relationship and a lot of communication, but I draw the line at LIVE IN MIL without DIL consent especially when DIL is left at home to do all the chores and "nurturing" and the son goes blithely off to work. DIL is in pain and hubby has blinders on. So it's not really the MIL's fault except that she plays the victim so well.

I do feel for genuine MiL's who are excluded by their DiL's or have any offers for help rejected as interfering. Being a MiL myself, it is a very delicate balance. My SiL and I have a good relationship. My help is there if needed but not forced on him or my daughter. I would hope to be welcome in their home and be a support rather than a drain on them. I have first hand experience of the other sort of MiL

You sound very very hurt and understandably. to help you be a mother in law go to <br />
http://www.nourishingrelationships.blogspot.com/ <br />
for lots of good information on being a mother in law.<br />
P.s. You were very nice to foxbar. I think that he/she was very insenstive!

Wow, that does not sound very positive, so i will pass thank you for your input, we are entitled to our opinions negative or not!!!!

if you want a more positive look on it then go to www.mil-fromhell.com <br />
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