My Real Gender

For many years I have felt different but not sure why or maybe it is denial. I have finally admitted that I am a female trapped in a male's body. In fact I am a lesbian trapped in a male's body. It seems as each passing day I am getting more tired of being someone I am not. There has been an inner struggle going on in me. I think like a female, act like a female in fact I am very feminine. It seems like I just gravitate towards female stuff like high heels, dresses, skirts, and nail polish. In fact I own 16 pairs of high heels, and 7 different colors of nail polish.
saraashley saraashley
31-35, F
1 Response Dec 13, 2012

My worse fears are starting to be realized. Every time before I go in public since I try to hide from the public of me being a transgendered female I try my best to get into my male role. I think if I can convince or fool myself to being male then I can fool the public. So far I have been able to fool not just myself but the public until today. I start acting girly even w/o thinking about it. I was walking, talking, sitting and even had girly mannerisms. I even saw a lesbian that I knew but she saw me 1st it was as though she can smell the lesbian scent that I was so desperately trying to hide because I am an in the closet lesbian except to a few trusted friends and of course my friends and those in my circle here on EP. I knew and feared one day the girl in me would start to come out no matter how hard I tried to. It is so hard for me not only being a transgendered female but being a translesbian who is trying so hard to hide from people who know me in the town of which I have lived in for many years even though I live in a town that is the gay capital of the Midwest but I am known pretty well here and I fear that I won't be accepted as being a translesbian which hurts and hurts really deeply. Being a translesbian goes even deeper than wearing girly clothes but a much deeper level.