I Hate Tickle Me Elmo

Just spent a few days at my sister 's place, she had just bought her adorable 3-year-old daughter the new Tickle Me Elmo TMX or whatever it's called.  God knows what she paid for it, but money grows on trees over there, and I see them pushing $100 on eBay.  Yes, I looked that up, as I seriously considered stealing the doll and selling it while they were sleeping.  That $100 would have gone a long way towards the drug-fueled escapade I need to somehow erase the memory of Elmo currently seared into my brain.  It haunts me at night, I can barely sleep.  I close my eyes, and all I see is Elmo, laughing at me, taunting me.  "Again, again!"  You sick f..., once wasn't enough?  I don't have anything more to give!



Tickle Me Elmo?  More like, Kill Me Elmo... if I hear that laugh one more time, I swear I'm going to rip its head off and send it back to the godforsaken hell from whence it came.



For those of you who haven't seen it in action, found this clip on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4x-VW_rCSE



Look at it!  THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!  This is no less than some sort of possessed demonic love-child of Satan and Chucky.  I don't need any batteries, get me a priest!  I don't even think it really needs batteries to run, I think it's feeding on my soul.  I'm scared I'm going to wake up one morning with this doll hovering over my bed, knife in hand, just wanting to "play" with me.  Check out the video, even the dog is terrified!  You can't even knock it down, the sucker knows how to get back up!



I don't know what the deal is with all these self-powered intelligent Aibo - Furby - Elmo - Chinpokemon toys.  I played with Legos (ok, most of the time it was Duplo) and coloring books.  Now, these kids have toys that are smarter than I am.  Just wait a couple years, when we have Tickle Me Elmo Skynet version or something.  "I, for one, welcome our robot Elmo overlords."



Ah well . . . my niece loves the thing, but I know something more sinister is at play here.  For your own sanity, trust me, just avoid bringing this freaky abomination into your home . . .