Originally Closed

I was not comfortable with the idea of open relationships for most of my 27 year life. To me, it seemed like a cop out at the time or an excuse to sleep around but in retrospect after having been with a rocky emotional road to recovery - I realized that open relationships were the answer. It wasn't about cheating or sex or even promiscuity. Freedom is what it boiled down to, emotional freedom or emancipation from a certain great devastation that is all but gauranteed when you get so entangled in another person that you lose your own sense of identity. That's what happened to me; I viewed my relationships as a crucial part of my identity and so therefore when breakups would happen - it was all the more apocalyptic because it was like someone stripping away a significant part of who I was. I will not go through that again for anyone

I have a big heart recently reopened and while I do want true love again, I don't want to drown and have no intention of losing myself as I did once before. There are people who will agree with this, there are people who will no doubt disagree and call me a player or irresponsible but this is the only way I know how to live my life.

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4 Responses Aug 10, 2009

LOVED THIS STORY!! Its EXACTLY the way I have been feeling since a 10yr marriage, with a two year seperation that ended in divorce. When I started "dating" again I met a guy where we agreed there would be "no strings attached"....however he convinced me otherwise and I fell back into that same monogomus lifestyle..fast forward to today....We have recently discussed gong back to having an "open relationship" now that i have come to care about him and developed that "one on one" relationship this is hard for me...any suggestions? but you're post sounded JUST LIKE ME!! Good luck ;-)

yes i agree with flower<br />
you could be smarting from betrayal of a relationship and<br />
so you are trying to go shallow in the name of open.<br />
<br />
why do you loose your identity in the mono relationships? and infact could that<br />
be the reason they fail... getting enmeshed up into the other person and they<br />
have to end it to breath?<br />
<br />
with all respect you dont sound ready for open which is much<br />
more harder and complex than mono.<br />
<br />
there is often very very good reason to have open. idont think you have<br />

Heartbreak is unfortunately part of life. You obviously have a lot of love to give and have not met the right person yet. Don't be bitter and don't count out true love. You're still quite young...keep an open mind, she's out there somewhere...you just haven't met her yet.

I don't think this makes you a pla<x>yer or irresponsible, but it seems like you are afraid to trust. Without trust you will probably not be able to love again.