Waiting For the Day

M y husband and I do not have children yet. He developed fibromyalgia (constant pain and fatigue) about nine months after we got married (5+ years now), and until he is cured (ha!),or at least gets it under control, we have decided to put off having kids.

Most days I don't mind, especially days like yesterday. I work in a daycare, which I love, but there are days I come home and never want to see a child again because the ones at work drive me crazy and I just want to be lazy all night. But then there are days like today: it's the day before Mother's Day, I'm PMS'ing, and sad because I'm not a mother. It's harder this year because I know eleven women who are either pregnant or have just had a baby.

And it's not just that I want kids. I just thought that after five years of marriage, we'd at least be close to starting a family. But then this stupid health problem pushed things back for us. We live with his parents, I'm pretty much the breadwinner for the two of us at a part-time job, and neither of us are in school. He was going to school to be a computer programmer before he got sick, but he's not sure what he wants to do when he can go back to school, and I still have no idea what I want to do.

The way I figure it, if we haven't gotten on our own feet within the next ten years (I'm currently 25 and he's 28), we might as well kiss our chances of having kids goodbye. And that would tear me up inside.