A Child In Mind

I 've all ways been a child lover. I've taken care of children from age 7. I baby sit all the time. The little girl I'm now babysitting i started takein her at 3 weeks old. She is now 8 months a trip to be with she started crawling with me took her first steps with me and calls me mama. I know shes not my child but her mother is hardly around her. I'm also godmother to 3 children my oldest gochild is three the next is 11 months and the last is 5 months and my next godchild is on the way. I've been there for births parenting classes and taken care for children for weeks at a time playing the role of a parents many times before. And its something i love. An having a child of my own is so different you get to set the rules and the way your child is brought up.

I use to say i didn't want a child that i was fine with have other ppls kids with me all the time. Then my friends had their kids. yes they were young. One was 16 but now a days that is commen. But they were not children ppl they never have their babys they are always looking for a babysitter. And Im the one that they call and its such a joy.

But now i want one of my own. Yes I'm 18 and haven't started life really. And i couldn't do it now but one day soon I do. My fiance and I talked about having children but in a few years. I'm glad he wants to get our lives set and done with school and strat a career but i also dont want to be to old when i have a child.

I was pregnant for my ex-boyfriend and no one knew and it was such a joy i was goin to have a child. But this is also the guy that put his hands on me which caused me to lose the child. Once i found out I lost it i was sooo upset and i had no one to talk to about it. I was 2 months and just starting to notice the changes in me. When i went in to have the baby remove and my doctor showed me what was left to my lil baby i wanted to die. I was heartbreaking for me. After that i didn't want children then ari was born and i started  taking care of her i guess thats why i got so attached to her. Babys are such a joy and wanting a child is something thats on my mind a lot lately. See them in town playing with them at my friends babysitting i see the love of a child and it so pure so true. I see my parents with my lil babes and i melt they would love a grandchild watching jarid play with them makes my heart skip. He knows how dear they are to much and how much i care for them but achild isn't in his future for a few years. Can I wait that long? My erge to have a baby is getting stronger and i don't know what to do. I keep telling myself a child right now would not be the best thing for us but if i would happen to get prego again i would be soo happy. But we do take percautions so stop it.