An Immodest Proposal

Hello my pretties,

According to a well-known statistical company, there are currently 8.2 million women aged 45-55 who are either single, divorced, or are currently living apart from their husbands. There are also 6.8 million men in the same age group with the same status. As a male, I can expect about 1 in every 700 women to be a “perfect match” for me, the term being defined as having the same core values, interests, musical tastes, and compatible personalities. If I am to take these numbers seriously (and I always take numbers seriously, if not the process for obtaining them), then I have approximately 11,714.28571 perfect matches out there in the nation. Women have slightly fewer perfect matches – about 971.428571 perfect matches out there.
   Loneliness and the inability to cope with loneliness very well is a growing problem in America, especially for men and women in my age group. Most of us have had husbands, wives, lovers, mates, significant others, and have lost these tags through divorce, separation, and moving out/moving on. We tend to dwell on this a little too much, and then we fight back, feebly, with self-help mantras and blind dates and Internet hookups and trolling bars and churchgoing and just plain old resignation of our singular state. We want to meet our “soulmate,” the one true love for the rest of our life, the guy/gal who will make life seem new again, make us feel young again, yada yada, yada.
   However, dear reader/lonely hearts club members, I have a solution, an immodest proposal if you will: communes a la the 60’s free-love era.
   Think about it. We could form communes, or communities of the 45-55 age group, live in big houses with lots of land, and we could then have sex with as many different strangers (yet, not really strangers at all) as we care to – but we would do it infinitely better than the kiddos from the 60’s with their great ideas and deplorable execution. But wait, there’s more.
   Now, we have someone to talk to, whether it be someone of our own gender, our own profession, the guy/gal we tangled the sheets with last night, or just the sensitive guy/gal sitting at the table, drinking coffee, thereby making himself/herself available for such discussions. And there’s also the responsibility factor.
   We could control unwanted pregnancies and STD’s because…well…because we’re responsible! In addition to good, clean, safe sex, we would also get the intimate conversations (no one will be allowed to say “far out, man!” or they will be cast out) and the much-needed relevant feedback. This is a huge plus for the 45-55 age group, for we need, we crave, we cherish good conversation and a sympathetic ear born of experience and caring for one’s fellow human/bedmate.
   Even better, we could structure our communities any way we care to structure them. We could have the “attorneys only” community, and they could laugh, late at night, when the red wine is all gone, and someone mentions “briefs”. There could be the “all-cop” community, which would never be burglarized, but one might have watch re-runs of Reno-911 all the friggin’ time. Or…
   Or, there could be a mix of professions: a cop and an attorney and a teacher, maybe a preacher so that we wouldn’t have to go anywhere for services. A plumber would be good, as well as a handyman and several good cooks, maybe even a writer or an artist to stir things up when it got boring. We would all gain insights into the others’ professions, and gain a new respect for others. We would illuminate the darkness that we all live in, and get some good lovin’ from various sources to boot. C’mon, now, you know it sounds great!
   Think of the effect it would have on our culture. Our kids would be horrified, or they would gain a whole new and deserved respect for us. We would be lionized or castigated by the media. Stars would come out in our defense, and some of the older ones would likely join their local community to add glamor to our cause. If you found a new job opportunity somewhere else and had to relocate, chances are that there would be a community willing to take you in. America would overtake the French when it comes to understanding the nature of love, even if we aren’t in love with each other. We, of all groups, know the value of curling up next to someone at night, waking up with someone in the morning, sharing with someone, caring for someone. In our case, it would be several someone’s, and we would be following the American credo of more is better.
   Ultimately, many would pair off and get married, or live together separate from the original community. This would be a beautiful thing. I, for one, don’t want to go traipsing off to bars or churches to find one of my 11,714.28571 perfect matches. I want to be part of something bigger and better than what I currently have. I want to sleep with 45-55 year-old women, lots of ‘em, and find the one that likes me when I have my clothes on and my hair all messed up. I want to find the one who drains me in bed and then fills me up when I need filling up, the one who gets why I still like The Carpenters, the one who will read my writing and tear it apart so that I can make it better, the one who, out of all of them, sees me differently than I see myself. She can be any color except rapacious, can be any nationality except intolerant. She can be big or petite, dark or fair, tall or short, or all things in between. Just bring it to the table when you get here. The community will accept this.
   The kids in the 60’s had a great idea; living together, experiencing each other, learning new ideas and accepting new cultures is as cool as it gets. Unfortunately, they spread unwanted pregnancies and STD’s around like wildfire, and the fallout was ugly.
   We are older. We are better. We take showers. We have degrees and life experience and an appreciation for humanity.
   We can change the world, or we can let the world change us. Think about it.

DentedSyke DentedSyke
56-60, M
3 Responses Mar 15, 2009

Haha! Now that would be a huge Experience Project!

P.S. - LMAO at the thought of a preacher living in the enviornment you described..... (I'm sure there'd be plenty willing to take the job, though)!<br />
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Oh, and on your next version will you add my career field please? Human Resources. Remember me when you get ready to hire the cleaning staff for the commune (we won't have to clean up after ourselves will we? ha). I'll help you in the selection process. ha ha ha<br />
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Take care. Gwenna!

DS - I hear what you are saying and agree with many aspects you present here - especially the financial savings that would come along with it! But, as peaceful and loving as you make it sound - do you really think it would go off like that? Oh sure, some would do fine - but people being people, I see a lot of jealousies and bad feelings as well. Let's face it, if you are not able to find the company of the opposite sex right now, chances are you won't in a commune either. The pretty, handsome, personable, popular people will still be getting most of the action. You know it's true. Maybe it would be a good way to hook up the wall-flowers, or those who are shy ... and I'm sure it would appeal to those who are really just looking for "free-love" - which is a lie, by the way - nothing's free, baby! Besides, I'm from that drugs, sex, rock-n-roll generation. I've been there, done that .... Maybe that's why our divorce rates are so high - no one can commit to staying in a monogomous relationship because we got so used to the "buffet". I don't know .... I can't see it as us being more mature than our 60's counterparts ... actually, I think knowing their results and doing it anyway would make us less mature.<br />
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But.... I do like the idea of communal living! I even like the idea of moving in single, possibly finding that special someone to spend the rest of my life with, the close living and friendships that would be formed ..... I'm just too selfish to share! :) - That's why I'm divorced (ha)!<br />
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Anyway, I think you've got part of a great idea. Work out the kinks and let me know where to sign up!<br />
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