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I Need Him To Survive

Seven months ago i split up with my long term partner who i was with for 10 years and had two children with. I had finally had enough of his mental abuse so i left. About four months ago i started talking to an old friend of ours who i had fancied the pants off when we knew him. After a few weeks of chattin we deicded to meet and and things went further. We decided we wanted to be in a relationship together so we told friends and family. He had split up with his ex who he had a child with too at the same time as me and she did not take it well. He told me she would have to deal with it and that was that. Things have been going fantastic, he told me over and over he loved me and that he wishes we had got together years ago because he liked me back then too. As i said, things were going great and we were planning trips away, both just us two and with the kids when they got to know each other. All of a sudden then, his four year old boy tells him he wants his mum n dad to be together and he decides to tell me its over and hes getting back with his ex. I was totally gomsmacked by this, it absolutely floored me. He said he didnt want anybody else bringing his son up apart from him so he had to try with her for the boys sake. Dont get me wrong my children are my world but isnt this just crazy? I dont know what to do, i have told him how i feel and he keeps saying hes doing it for the boy. He tells me he loves me and he wants to be with me but hes got to try. I am absolutely devastated that he has done this, it feels like i cant go on. My apetite has totally disappeared and i cannot concentrate on anything, i didn feel this way when i split up with my long term partner so why now? Is there anything i can do to get him back or am i being selfish? Should i wait to see if things work out with him n his ex and if they dont then get back? I am really all over the place at the moment and i beg of someone to help me, just to guide me. Thankyou for taking the time to listen, and for responding of you have x x x

amime amime 26-30, F 2 Responses May 18, 2010

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Thankyou so much for your feedback. It means a lot to me at the mo, dont really have anyone i can really talk to about this so it really helps. I am now realising that he obviously isnt worth it, its just really hard to let go, i had big feelings for this guy and am gutted that it ended. I still think of him on more than a daily basis but i know it will get better. I think the worst thing is the lonliness, its realy hard to deal with. Just want someone to cuddle at the mo if you know what i mean. x x x I know what you mean by it being easier to sleep with your ex, at least you know what hes really like and what you are letting yourself in for. Its really hard isnt it x x x You have helped me tremendously so thankyou so so much, i hope you sort your thing out, if you're not hurting anyone then there should be no problem there eh lol, at least you are getting what you need ;) x x x

hmm.. thats a tough call. If I was you I would back off and let him come back to me. Easier said than done but if he goes back to the ex I am sure that the same problems exist that they had before and eventually he won't be able to do it for the kid. Oh; by the way, you are not being selfish at all, all kids want there parents together eventually they come around because they get sick of the constant arguing and want there parents to be Happy. Since the child is only four years old thats not going to happen. No I would absolutely not wait for him because it may take a long time. Plus sometimes when you start dating other people thats when he will realize that he wants you to himself. Probably not the best advice Im not saying to hop into bed with someone else to **** him off but make yourself available to date, there is nothing wrong with meeting new men. I currently am not taking my own advice because i am sleeping with my ex just cause its easier than finding someone new, guess im not willing to put in the effort. However my ex is a cheater and I would never trust him but for some reason I keep going back to him and have always kept contact. You probably know the answers to your own questions its just hard to do. Hope I helped all though Im all over the place myself.