I Need Some Advice...I apologize for the lengthy story ahead of time...
I met the most incredible person in the world. What are the chances he was in love with me too?! Well call him D. Me and D were amazing together, we could finish each other sentences, we could read each other like nothing, and were genuinely happy together. We hung out every single day and never got bored of each other. We could honestly sit in a room and do nothing and be completely happy. The connection we had was unbelievable, and everyone around us saw it. Problem is.. I had a boyfriend.. my high school sweetie. Me and D hung out all the time and for awhile i thought we were just good friends but things started escalating after awhile and I can honestly say ive never been so happy around anyone. I could be in the shittiest mood and as soon as i seen him i was immediately elated. He was always there for me, and i for him. We were always together and we were each others other half. We were so intune with each other it was crazy.
Now.. my highschool sweetie, well call him K. was a decent guy, and i thought i loved him. But after I met D i just knew what me and K had was nothing. Now this is were i ****** up and it gets really confusing. Ive never had family growing up, and my home life has always been a mess. K's family adopted me as there own and invited me to get togethers, and dinner. I practically lived at their house. I love them all as my own family. Now.. they took me on a vacation with them to Florida for christmas. I knew when i went i had to break up with K ASAP because i felt nothing for him, and i knew i loved D more. Now before leaving for this florida trip D spent the entire night with me prior to me leaving and made me promise to not loose my feelings for him while i was gone for 2 weeks with K. I promised.
While in florida, when christmas rolled around.. I felt like i had my own family, like a gap had been filled. I thought i needed this family more than i needed D because they would always be there for me and it just felt amazing for once to belong. I made the biggest mistake in my life when i returned home to D. I told him i couldnt see him anymore. He was devastated and so was i. He automatically assumed it was because I loved K more but no, thats never ever ever been the case. I went along with it though because i was to much a coward to admit the truth. I thought hed believe it was a stupid excuse etc. He was so mad he wouldnt talk to me for the longest time. I am miserable. this happened over a year and a half ago. Since then D has sent me some messages telling me how i ruined his life etc... how he will never be able to trust anyone again etc,,
I have been with K up until two months ago because i just couldnt fake loving him anymore, I couldnt do it. We ended our relationship. D was always on my mind front and foremost. I have wanted to tell him the truth for so long but he has seemed to be moving on and i didnt want to ruin it. Hes sent me some messages that implied he wasnt over me yet and well... thats why four days ago i told him exactly what i said above. He hasnt responded.. I have no idea what to do.. I am a terrible person for hurting him like i did, i made a stupid choice. I would give anything to make it up to him . I dont know if i should message him now ? leave him alone? or what..
A love like we had is just something i cant give up. I made a huge huge mistake and i am a ***** for what i did. I will never forgive myself for it.
Is this something you guys think i could be forgiven for ? Did i wait to long to fess up? Should I let him move on ? Should i never speak to him again? uggh. I reallly need some advice. :(
klynita 18-21, F 1 Response 0 Jul 9, 2011