i feel so alone...

i met my true love about a year ago and my parents made us stop dating. However, we continued to date in secret, only to get caught and thus be forced to break up again. but we didnt, we were too in love. so we would sneak out in order to see each other. everytime i saw him, i fell more in love with him, and it was the same with him. but sneaking around got very stressful, for the both of us, so we decided that the only thinwe could do is break up, and hope that we would somehow end up together. we were both having a hard time with it. we would still talk a little whenever we got the chance, but then i told him that we needed to stop because thats the only way we could really move on. a month or so passed. within this time frame, i dealt with my sadness by drinking, smoking, and hooking up with any guy who would give me the time of day. then i met someone, and i thought it could work, so we dated. this only made it worse, though, and made me miss my ex that much more. so i decided to contact him and see how things were going. he had somehow heard about my new relationship, and told me about his new girlfriend. my heart sank into my stomach. hearing those words made me want to die. but i sucked it up and pretended to be happy for him. we continued talking, and then got on the topic of how much we missed each other. i was planning on breaking up with my new boyfriend for a little while before this, so i decided to tell my ex that i wanted to be with him, i dont care about anything else but being with him. he tells me i am the best thing to ever happen to him.....but decides that it wouldnt be fair to his new girlfriend. and now i am the most depressed i have ever been in my entire life. if i had the guts to kill myself, i probably would have already. i love him so much, and the fact that he would choose her over me makes me question the love he ever had for me, something i never thought i would doubt. i am so heartbroken, and i dont know what to do. i dont know how to even begin getting over him. i have nobody to talk to. my parents wanted this to happen. i have no true friends. he was my only best friend. my true best friend and lover and now i dont have him. what do i have now? i really dont know. i just hate feeling like this, i want the pain to go away. i almost broke down in public today. how pathetic am i? and he is probably ok, he is probably making love with his stupid girlfriend as i am writing this. i hope he regrets his decision. and i hope i can meet a guy who is a million times better than him, who would want to be with me NO MATTER WHAT. who would love me more than him. who i will love more than him. but i really feel like that is not going to happen.


sorry i just needed to vent.....and i have no one to talk to, so i might as well type my whole sob story on some random website. maybe somebody will understand or care.

iwant2smile iwant2smile
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 22, 2010

I truly appreciate your comments, it means the world to me. Bonds, you definitely put things in perspective for me, and I appreciate you taking the time to do so. cntryloner, sharing your story has given me hope that I thought I'd never have again. Thank you both so much for caring, really, it means so much.

I feel for you iwant2smile. Nearly the same thing happened to me. I was 17 he was 18. MY parents refused to see him in any good light so we were forced to go our separate ways. AMAZINGLY we found each other again 33 yrs later. With me a widow and him divorced we started where we had been forced to stop. Now with both of us in our 50's we wondered what life "could have" been like if my parents had not made us stop. On the other hand, I also believe that everything happens for a reason so maybe "back then" it would not have worked out the way it is now. Go ahead and live life. The man I was married to for 22 yrs was a wonderful husband and a fantastic Father. You will love again and be happy, it just takes time. Good Luck hon.

It is not necessarily true that, absent parental influence, that he would pick her over you. It could be that she is 2nd best, because in his eyes, the relationship with you can't work with your parent's interference. It could be that you are the person he wants to date, but she is the person that he can date.<br />
<br />
It would be interesting to know why you parents are against the relationship.<br />
<br />
You are young. I have no doubt that you have strong feelings for him. The initial stages of romantic love can be quite overwhelming. But, it takes a long time (years at your age) to know if that romantic love can evolve into a "true love" that lasts a lifetime. The overwhelming emotions of a new love (which can last up to 2 years) clouds a lot of judgment. Things you think are cute, or overlook, at this stage, can become quite annoying at the next stage of a relationship. I'm not saying that this is true for you. I'm just letting you know what is fairly typical to help give you some long-term perspective on relationships.