My Love To Him

It is not easy for me to accept that I fall for him and want him to be with my life that I build up that wall so high surrounded this private world.  But at last I can't deny. Because all the time I can't stop myself thinking of him, as I always feel secure with him being around. Though we are far away in the other side of the room, I know he's there. And, everything is all right.

Before I let this feeling out, now I realize that my love to him may be selfish. Because I want badly to be with him, because I want him to talk with me all the time, I want to hear his voice, I want to hear his laugh, I want him to care about me, I want him to worry when I am in sorrow, I want him to feel whenever I am happy or sad, I want him to keep loving me, I only want something from him. As like I can't be on my own at all. Is it selfish? 

We are so different and I know if we get together he has to change something, so do I. But my life is simply complicated, much more than others. And I know I can't live my life freely like him and his friends. I have many obligations that I have to deal with and responsible to. So if I am failed, should I let him failed with me? I now feel like  if we get together I can't help him with anything at all, my love for him isn't enough. If I share my dream, he instead has to experience all the problems with me. 

So I decide I'd better keep all the feelings. Let not tell him how I feel, so he may stop fall for me. But I will always love him and that's all I can do. I'll still be with him whenever he needs help, and that's why he'll always live in my world. But physically, we'd better stay far apart this way. Keep the gap between us, so he can live his dreams alive, and if I'm failed, he need not to hurt...because of me.

It is not easy to stop loving him and I know, I may never can. 
Alexfield Alexfield
18-21, F
Dec 15, 2010