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My Husband

I think whats making our split hurt all the more is that he doesn't even care that we've split. If he wanted me then I could handle it because I would feel in control of the situation. I want him to want me, to want to see me and beg me to take him back - but he hasn't and he won't, it makes me feel rejected even though I ended it. Why does it feel this way? *sigh* I just want him to hurt as much as I do, I guess in my mind it tells me that he hasn't cared for a long time and that my marraige was over long before I knew it....... it seems it was all just a lie and never meant a thing to him, I think thats why the pain is so bad.

AWUK AWUK 26-30, F 5 Responses Sep 1, 2008

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Am I 'Danda'?<br />
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It is, and it isn't ok... Intimacy with my ex really didn't break off until I realized that she was just using me... for some reason. We had more sex when we were calling it quits than we had in years. Confusing is not even the beginning of an accurate description. It was strange, though, after I had the realization, I never had to even say anything... it stopped spontaneously.<br />
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In my experience, it wasn't easy starting out. I was weak, and couldn't imagine being without the familiar warmth of her body next to mine. ( Even if her mind was just intent on using. ) I even reached the point where I would have caved if she had even asked or made a move. ( But she had found someone else by then. )<br />
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In the end, I found no 'right answer'. Consenting adults will do what they damned well please. Eventually, though, there may come a point where you realize that you need to choose between familiar and self respect. Just be aware of the choice you make when you make it. 'Self respect' sounded like a lofty ideal to me, whereas familiar kept me in a kind of warm denial.<br />
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For me, like the divorce, the choice was made for me. However, these days, I'm singing a different tune. It's a lonely tune, for the moment, but I'm learning who I am in ways that I never could when I was with her. Just be aware that if being without him is the right answer for you, then you have a lot you can gain from the painful effort of staying true to yourself.<br />
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That said... if he called around, does that mean that he wanted to see you like you originally wanted, or that he wants you back? Of course, that too can have its pitfalls...

It's not okay! Hes here! He called around and I let him in, he's staying the night and I know how wrong it is to let him - I know I'm just going to be more confused and more hurt but I really need someone to cuddle right now :(

Thanks zenandi. <BR>I'm sorry that you went through it too, it's nice to have someone be able to relate to what I'm saying though. <BR><BR>It's been a month but it's flown by, actually I think it's five weeks today - not that I'm counting or anything?! I just have to concentrate on me. I want to cut him out completely but can't, it's too hard and I'm too weak!

Ouch. I'm sorry to see that you are that cross-roads, too. How long has it been? ( On the lighter side -- and I would totally understand if you flamed me for mentioning this, but I'm just trying to lend some levity to the situation -- , you might be relived to know that you can change your name on EP.. )<br />
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I sort of went through something similar. I sort of ended it myself, by telling her that I wanted to leave, but I never pulled the plug. In the end, the last thought I had about it was that I had wanted it to end because I felt the disparity between us -- even though it didn't show, I felt that something was not right with our match. When she decided that she'd had enough, she transformed into a completely different person right before my eyes.<br />
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From not drinking she went to drinking socially, often. She got into firearms, started being more materialistic than I ever saw before, and started to exhibit what just seemed to me to be bad judgment. ( She called our son X, at 13, and asked him to walk a bottle of Crown Royal across the street -- wtf? )<br />
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The good news, for me, is that all of those things were a turn off to me. The bad news, was twofold: A dream died. A dream of being in love with the perfect person for me. And -- the realization that it was never more than a dream to begin with. As you said, the marriage was over long before I knew it...

Thats just how I feel, like he did the dumping! I feel like the dumped lol - this was not how it was supposed to be ha ha!! :)