Love Is Easy When The Going Is Easy.

When I was growing up my Dad was the disciplinarian and my Mom was the one I go to for comfort. Dad had been a Marine sergeant in WWII and I do not ever remember going to him for comfort. I can only remember one time that Mom did not wait for Dad to discipline me. They told me later that they decided on their roles when I was born. Younger brother confirms that this is the way it was. They had a very loving relationship for 60 years; till Mom turned 85 or so. Then she got dementia and started to go downhill mentally. She could not be left alone or she might set something in the microwave and set the timer for 120 minutes. She would forget where things were and hide anything and everything. She would forget who we were; normally at night and want to leave and go home to be with her parents.
My tough old Dad was as loving to her then as he had been before. He always liked to be on the go. When she could no longer be left alone he either took her where he went or he stayed at home with her 24/7. He would not let anyone else watch her. He said this was for better or worse. It was really tough because she would decide to sleep for 4 hours in the middle of the day. He would cook and clean while she slept. In the middle of the night she would get up and decide she was going to go for a walk. He could never get into a deep sleep for fear she would leave. He did this for the last years of her life. A week before she died she had a stroke and he would not leave her room in the hospital. We had to bring his food into the room. He would sleep in a chair holding her hand all night.
I read a good story by Kel83 earlier today and she made the point relationships cannot be 50/50, but needs to be 100/100. When it really gets challenging is when you are at 100 and your partner does not have anything to give. How long would you be willing to give 100%. Dad gave me a great example, but I do not know if I would be that kind of a person; would you?
climber1 climber1
66-70, M
10 Responses Oct 24, 2012

*smile* many blessings to you my love. X

What a touching story of love and devotion.I wish I had known such a love!

Thank You for reading and commenting.
I wish I was capable of giving such love. It is so difficult to give for extended periods of time when you receive no love back.
I do make sure my father knows how much I love him for his devotion to my mother though. I know he appreciates it.

That is true love. Your dad is a very unselfish, wonderful man. Your parents were lucky to have such a wonderful marriage.

Thank You for reading. I hope that you have such love in your life.

Wow... I mean ... Just... Wow. I have to look deep into my soul to answer your question and the truth is, I guess I'll never know for sure unless I'm faced with such a situation. But your point about relationships having to be 100/100 is insightful and profound... And so very worth thinking about. Thank you climber1. I love your heart ;-)

Thank You for reading; and the wonderful breeze that you always provide is certainly welcome anytime.

That's love.

Thanks for letting me share it with you.
Yes it is love. Takes special people working hard to build that kind of love. Pick your next partner wisely. :)

Climber, When I get down in the dumps and have an especially hard/ trying day with mom, (like today)
I read this post again. I fear that I am not the quality person your Father was. Granted Mom is Mom, not my spouse, nor the love of my life.... But, Climber your parents had something that we all want in a marriage. What was their secret? We're they both sincerely kind and loving people. Did they put the other before themselves? What made their marriage loving for all those years?

I do not think Mom was a kind and loving person, but she was totally committed to her family. There was nothing she would not do for Dad or her children. When she was not teaching school she was at home caring for her family. Dad was very tough. He would not hesitate to physically take my brother or i in hand if we needed it. That included opening the car door for Mom if we were there. If we were not he would. In their eighties they were still holding hands and stealing kisses. Keeping the love alive. They had a great blue print on what a marriage should look like.

But how did you turn out to be " you " if your Mom was not a kind and loving person?
They did have a wonderful blueprint Climber ....

Dad was the generous one and still is. Nothing gives him more pleasure than giving to others. I probably was harder on Mom than i meant to be. She focused completely on the family. She loved her husband and sons unconditionally. Nothing was to good for us. It just never seemed to extend beyond the family. We got it all. :)

Now I understand. I've seen that happen too. Family needs " take over" and dominate, nothing to give to others.

Actually they balanced things out nicely. My brother and i were very fortunate. Many, many children are not that fortunate.

Yes, you were fortunate and it couldn't have happened to a nicer person. Your kindness on EP is hard to miss .....

Go on ....... Hahahahahaha ....

Actually i have been inspired on EP by a wonderful Lady with the handle having something to do with redart. You have taught me much. Thank You!

5 More Responses

Love isn't always easy. But love makes what you do and have to do easier. At least your father will have no regrets when he considers if he could love completely. What a sweet and poignant story. It's what we all hope we will do, and what we hope we can expect.
And, yes, I would.

Thanks BB. I hope neither of us has to go through it.

I know if I took the vow of mariage I would definitely be committed to being there for that person for better or for worse. (That's what love is for)
This is a truly touching story, thanks for sharing~

Thank You for reading. No doubt you would be one of the committed to be there for your partner no matter how rough the situation got.

Your very sweet story brought tears to my eyes

Thank You! I hope you or I never have to go through it. If we should; I hope we can be as loving as Dad.
Kathieredart below has been taking care of her Mom in a similar situation. Another one of those very special people.

Hello climber,
I loved your post, well written and heartfelt. What a wonderful Father and A+ role model. In answer to your question... I would do my best, and could give 100%..... For awhile. I don't feel I could give 100% year after year, for many years. The time would come when I would have to hire a caregiver, or perhaps consider a care home. This doesn't especially cause me to burst with pride tho. Your Father must have been such a strong man to endure the situation without physical or mental harm to himself.
After four years of Mom care, my physical and mental health has taken a nose dive. I am so weary... Don't let me crack up..... Again, so lovely to read this.

Red, when we hear or read we all were created equal they were not talking physical or mental capabilities. Dad was/is tremendously strong, but he has been wired to be loyal to his mate no matter what. Fortunately Mom had the same attitude till her mind just slipped away. With close to sixty years of mutual devotion i think he had is strength and wonderfu memories to help carry him. Do not compare yourself to anyone.
I have read several of your stories. To put a wonderful career on hold or abandon it to take care of a parent for any amout of time makes you very special. To do it for four years is a demonstration of sacrifice above what any one i have known could match.
Honored that you would comment on my Dad's story. I am going to share yours with him. He likes to think that self sacrifice is till alive and well.