Don't Worry, Be Happy

I  have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I was officially diagnosed with major clinical depression when I was 16, after a failed suicide attempt, but it wasn't until 8 years ago that I went on medication. That was when my hellish ordeal with an abusive boyfriend finally came to an end of sorts.

All my life I have looked elsewhere for my happiness-- in relationships, therapy sessions, even dreams. As I've grown, and matured, and learned, I have come to realize that my happiness cannot come from outside my body....it has to come from within first.

Oh, I derive great pleasure in being a parent and caregiver, but I realize these are things what make me feel useful and needed as well. What happens when my kids are gone and my daughter and granddaughter move out? I will be alone to face my greatest fear....myself.

I need to learn how to love myself, and find my happiness from within before I am left alone- scared and freaking out.

bluehaiku bluehaiku
41-45, F
2 Responses Feb 20, 2009

Jesus the lord of us all, he made a great investment in your life, to give you all you long for Isa 53:4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we thought his punishment was from God, but he was wounded for our wrongs, so we can be made right with god today. .

I hear ya sista!