HUSBAND Is Witholding Sex!!! Help!!!

  I met my husband 6 years ago.  We married after only 9 months of knowing each other (very unusual for me to do).  He is 8 years older than myself and he was only divorced for a month or two and had 2 daughters from his previous marriage.  We were inseperable from the start.  I had never had a man treat me so well. 

  After we got married, his girls moved in 3 months later (shared parenting) and it was very hard for me to get used to.  I got married straight out of college and from my parent's house.  No baggage and no debt.  Needless to say he did have baggage and debt.  I thought I could handle it and am very disappointed in myself that our marriage has went so far down hill. 

  Just this past year and a half or so, he has started pulling away from me.  He doesn't say he loves me, he doesn't kiss me, hold my hand, ask me out on dates, or have ANY type of affection towards me at all.  He doesn't even touch me while he's sleeping in bed.  I have tried to be affectionate with him and he is cold telling me to stop.  I tried buying sexy things from Victoria Secrets and he slept in the spare bedroom.  Feeling hurt and rejected, I took all the things back to the store (what's the use?). 

  He has told me that he can't be intimate with me because of all the mean things I have said (and apologized for) in the past during fights.  I'm not familiar with MEN being the ones to withold sex.  This is new to me.  It has taken it's toll on my self-esteem, I must say!  I want to feel desirable to my husband again.  I want us to work on our marriage and get back to the way we used to be.  I don't get the same feeling from my husband.  He is talking divorce.  I feel like I have been used to get him out of debt and be a "mommy" for his girls and now he wants to kick me to the curb.  The only problem?  We have a 4 year old son together and I don't want him to have to go through a horrible divorce like my husband's girls did.  I am scared.  I don't want to start over with someone else again yet I feel like I am missing out on the closeness of a relationship.  Please help!

wildcat76 wildcat76
31-35, F
3 Responses Jan 9, 2008

To be honest I dont blame him because when a husband and wife fight and the wife disrespects the husband and treats him like ****, he will get hurt and lose respect for her and lets be honest when a man does not respect a women then how could he make love to her and its clear to me that he really loved and know he is really hurt by whatever you said so i am sorry to tell you but you dont deserve forgivess because your not thinking about weather he is ok your just worried about starting over with someone else and by the way 6years together is real its not someone using you to pay off his dept<br />
if you want to fix your marriage let me know if you dont like what i said then you dont want the truth

Well...I think people still seem to assume that men arent really emotional, but thats not true, men hurt just like we do-when you say hurtful things those things REALLY stick around in someones mind, and yes that can be a huge turn off. We should be careful what we say to those we love and have limits EVEN in times of anger-

ask him what is really bothering him. People always say stuff they don't mean when they are mad or sometimes. Talk to him and see is he opens up. Let me know if this work?