It's Just A Fantasy...

We've slyly hinted around about this fantasy, but have never pursued it (except in play), as I think that jealousy and other problems would set in soon after. There are a couple of friends I'd be 'curious' about, but then we always come back to the problems of wives and husbands who would not handle things well. I guess this isn't really any kind of actual "experience" except for my experience in feeling reservations about pursuing this sort of affair. So it'll probably just remain in the realm of fantasy for us.
deglerious deglerious
36-40, F
7 Responses May 22, 2012

There are lots of safe understanding ways to pull it off and many of us can walk U through it. It took me 1 year of gentle conditioning to get my wife ok with it and now she's hooked. I know we will never stop haha. Also, at first we thought it would be ok with friends but like U, we realized it's easier with strangers. We have a few friends who know we do it, and when they r ready we know they will approach us haha. They already joke about it so we know they want to **** us...they just haven't gotten past it just like U. Feel free to ask me questions of U like.

I want to **** you

my wife and i have been married for 30 years and two years ago a friend of my wifes made a pass at her in front of me(BTW her friend is a female)and i have to say it really turned me on so i told her to at least try it,well she was ok with it as long as her friends hubby could join in,i thought about it and said why not,so she had sex with both of them while i was on a business trip and said she had a great time but that if she ever did it again it would have to be in front of me,she said that it was nice to see after all these years men still thinks shes hot and good in bed...not to mention it was her first time with anouther woman and it wont be her last.so the way i see it a couples sex life and who they share it with is not anyones business,lifes to short to worry about what other people think.

It does happen. You just have to set the rules of engagement up front and choose who, where and when. Make sure whoever it is they have a serious reason for things to remain confidential just like you do. Have fun. All couples can't even share this kind of conversation. Enjoy, be safe.

I made our fantisy become reality!!! It was AWESOME!!!!! If you 2 are soul mates it can be the best!!!

Thanks, but I've been feeling that my curiosity may have led me too far here.

My wife and I have this same fantasy and have yet to make it a reality. I think she believes it will somehow ruin our marriage. I fully trust her and would have no problems whatsoever in making this a reality. In fact, I think we're at the point where it will be a reality very soon.<br />
<br />
I think it all comes down to your husband being proactive. He's the one that has to set it all up. Allow him to setup the engagement, therefore it will seem like his idea moreso than yours. <br />
<br />
/2cents

I appreciate the advice, and it is tempting, but I've been thinking that if it's going to happen, it'll just come about on its own accord without any planning, as I don't want to seem like I'm obsessed with the idea of being intimate with our friends, or another couple.

You are dead on accurate in your assessment. Forcing it to happen or setting it up can really feel pornographic, as my wife calls it, and can have all kinds of unanticipated complications.

If your husband enjoys the fantasy, play on that. There is no rush to do something for real, as you have obviously figured out. Many guys love this hot fantasy, and the hard part is getting their wife to go along. Mostly for the very reasons you are reluctant. Fears of jealousy, or him wanting reciprocation, or changing how he feels about you, that makes it a real leap of faith for a woman to forge ahead with reality.

My advice is to get naked in bed with hubby and while you're warming him up, talk about it some more. Hedge your bets a little by stipulating that you wouldn't want to do it for real (women are always allowed to change their minds), but that the fantasy of being so "naughty" turns you on. Make it about the act of being naughty, not that you want a different lover (because that is largely true, I suspect).

Continue to focus on it as a fantasy, but also ask him if it turns him on to think of you being his naughty wife. My guess is he won't be able to deny it, because his **** will swell up like it's going to burst in your hand!

If he gets into it, ramp it up a notch from there, always asking him things like "Does that turn you on? Really? You'd get excited if your sweet, loving, adoring wife did something so naughty like that?" Keep it going, and keep him engaged and having it be about him by asking him questions. "Would you want to watch?" (he'll almost certainly say yes, but ask anyway). When he says yes, then you can start asking him specifics, going into lurid detail. "Do you want to watch me suck him? Rub his **** all over my face? You want me to lick his balls? Do you want him to *** in my mouth, or shoot it on my face and hair?"

At some point, he's likely to ask who the guy is. Everyone is different, but my advice is to play it safe, especially at first. You can tell him you haven't really thought about anyone specific (it's OK to lie here, and even expected I think). Ask him who he'd like to see shoving his **** into you. If he is reluctant too, push him a little. He might be shy to say. Ask him if he'd like it to be one of his friends or someone he works with. From there you can ask about different names. It's good to have a specific person that you can toss out during the fantasy. And not a bad idea to ask him from time to time if he still wants it to be that person or if he's changed his mind about who it should be. All of this serves to reinforce the idea that it is also his fantasy, not just your desire to play around.

Other ideas for engaging him in the fantasy are to ask him to "Show me how X will **** me. Do you think he'll suck my *****? Show me how he'll do it."

This will also give you a sense of how both of you will feel after the fact should it happen for real. Once he ****, he may feel funny about it, especially at first. If you sense this from him, be light hearted and say, "Hey it's just fantasy, just for fun, right?" And bring it back to him, saying, "I love being naughty for you."

It's not for everyone, but if it turns out to be something you guys are both into, it can be very hot. The shared secret can create tremendous intimacy. Only he knows that beneath your modest facade lurks such a naughty, sexy woman who does things that the world would never, ever guess.

But again, no rush to do it for real. At some point, if you know that he's on board, tell him that you will do it for real if the right situation and circumstance present themselves, but that you don't like the idea of hunting for it. Saying that you will really do it for real adds an element of excitement that will really refresh things and reignite the fire. Realistically, you can continue to do it as fantasy only indefinitely. Sex is mostly mental anyway, and if you both get into it together, you can make it super hot without any of the attendant risk of making it real.

I greatly appreciate your detailed advice. Right now I'm feeling a bit of remorse (and guilt) for being here. I'm really not sure if this is something my husband would want to do right now, even though he was the one to initiate the "play". I'm really somewhat ashamed to be feeling this way, to be honest, as neither of us have ever had an affair or anything, and I'm pretty positive about that too. I guess it'd be ideal if he just brought it up so that I could save face. I'm just not sure he'd go through with it though, and then there's the possibility of an 'other' female fantasy, of which I believe I could handle if I were there, as I've felt an interest in that vein as well. Now I've probably said too much. Thanks again though.

I just reread your post and think that it's the best advice I've seen so far. I think that it's subtlety, and honesty, may just do the trick.

Any update?

2 More Responses

But doesn't it make you feel sexy? Try wearing something provocative next time and see where the conversations goes. Above all else keep your husband in the center of your affections.

Yes! It does make me feel "special", like being the centre of attention in an erotic way.