This Is What I Really Want

I am still not sure how to explain to my wife just how erotic I find the thought of other men (and women for that matter) having sex with her.  We have been talking about it for several years and I know that I am probably fighting a loosing battle, but just can’t seem to get the thought out of my head.  She just can’t get past the part where I must not want to have sex with her anymore and nothing could be further from the truth.  Yes, the desire exists for us to have other sexual partners, but my need to see her with other people is what drives me to this.


This is all started within a year of us being married.  We were out with some friends that included both married couples and singles.  I was watching my wife having a good time having some drinks and flirting with both the married and single guys and realized I was truly enjoying her.  I got so excited I was amazed.  After a while she came over to me and we talked a bit, but not about what she was doing- I was afraid she would stop!  I told her I needed to use the restroom and I would be right back.  I walked away and took my time and when I returned, she was back at it.  One of the single guys we were with started talking to me and out of the blue he asked me if I would be okay if he asked to have sex with him.  I was surprised when I said yes without even thinking about it.  Since that day the idea has just eaten away at me with a passion. 


I tried to talk to her about it that night after we returned home but realized that she had a little too much to drink and I get her ready for bed and let her sleep.  I stayed up half the night thinking about how hot it would be to see her with that friend of ours.  From then to now I have fantasized about it and the hottest (for me at least) sex that we have had is when I have that image in my mind.  Over the next 25 years, I hinted and outright told her that I wanted her to have sex with others.  She never quite caught on for some reason (I am sure she thought if she did not respond, it will go away) 


Our anniversary is in late December, but we decided to have a party for our 25thAnniversary in July when her family from out of town could attend.  We renewed our vows, but I had talked to the pastor and asked that he take a couple things out of the vows- like forsaking all others.  We completed the ceremony and then had a great time.  We left for our “Second” honeymoon the next day and while we were talking in the car, it finally came out in no uncertain terms that I did not want to be the only one ******* her anymore.  She was shocked and said that she could not believe that this late in our marriage that I would want that.  She was not interested in anyone but me (which I found sweet, but counterproductive to the conversation) and could not see herself doing this.  Over the last 8 years it has caused issues but she agreed to try.  We have talked about ********** and foursomes, soft swinging, my bisexuality, her not being sure if she could and all the possibilities.  We get close and then she backs away and nothing happens.  She complains that if I want this to happen it tells her that she is not enough for me, or that she can’t handle not being in control or whatever.  I am sure she is not comfortable doing this and I am very careful not to bring it up and let her drive the issue, but also do not allow it to drop completely.


I apologize for such a long story, but what I am really asking for is advice from all of you to help me get past this block.  I am not looking for I need to stop, leave it alone or for any other advice that would suggest I should drop it.  I am looking for advice on how to make it happen.  I am at the point in my life where this is important and I need to go further- not back up.  Thanks to all of you in advance.

allnightinhand allnightinhand
51-55, M
1 Response Feb 22, 2010

I posted a story some time ago about how I made it happen.<br />
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Good luck.