Why Doesn't My Wife Want Me Anymore?

I write this not because I dislike my wife.  I write this because I do. How can I get my wife to wants me as much as I do her?  I've been married a long time and for the last few years its not the same for me emotionally.  How can we get loved ones  to talk about things without hurting their feelings and still get things resolved?

How can things become so blagh?  Time together, to familiar, to many things going on, not enough, how are so many of us in situations like this?  How can this be reversed? Does it want to be reversed?  Lots of questions any answers.  gh3

greenhead3 greenhead3
10 Responses Jan 18, 2010

After 30 yrs of marriage I also didn't feel want or lust for my husband. Everything had become a habit...nothing new. I didn't want my female parts groped or my breasts grabbed and played with. I wanted more! Yep..I let myself get lost in work&kids&all of our responsibility, gained wgt, really stopped giving a ****. Kinda numb.Little did I realize that my husband was feeling unwanted&unloved. He wanted touched&to feel desired. He decided we were going to move!! The kids were grown, grandkids were taking over our life...we would move and see if we could still want to be together....it was eye opening. He turned into a totally different man almost over night. Haha he was so care free and fun. How had I not remembered his great qualities? How did we lose each other in our lives? So we started rebuilding...with what we had before us. We started talking candidly about our sex life & what we both wanted. I hate to tell you men..but we don't want sex for hours anymore....we agreed upon at least 10 min every morning& night. I know it doesn't sound like much but it became exciting, it started the day off great & it ended lovingly. I started fantacizing about my husband again, wondering what I was going to do to him next..I think I regained some control & power. I watch my hubbys butt while we are going down grocery aisles..sometimes I grab it!! Haha. I find myself wanting him at odd times of the day. We had to create a new scenario to be each others fantacies...women lose the desire after kids...it steals your identity...you feel like you lost some wild part of yourself...then life becomes a habit...a never-ending cycle of life. So who or what gets sacrificed?? The male & the sex life....sooo change your approach..make concessions...make deals..make it work.

my wife stopped feeling the same emotions as me once she found emails to a past girlfriend it was a plot to get her back but 2 years later and a kid still feels like she dont care about me i love this girlso much then i find a note written in english it says your like a dieses i cantget rid of all kinds ofhorrible hurtfull things and she was justt mad at that time but in 2 years i begged her and pleaded with her to change like tonighti made an offer to cut the net off cause we spend way to much time on it than theavarage person she flipped and started getting mater then she mis read what iwas trying to do and thought i was accussing her of seeing someone else when i threw itin as a possibility i never said anything so we are trying fresh i go to go to bed to hold her tonight it just feels like she dont want me to so i gfot out of bed and said i couldnt sleep should we divorce or keep trying im so confused i love her somuch andthis just hurrtsmore i feel like i should leave without tellingher and let her keep my money i grew up on the streets for 12 years ive only had my heart broken 3 times almostwentmentally ill this next oneim surewill put me over thee edge

1) Learn to flirt again.<br />
2) Practical jokes as a way to start a flirting session<br />
<br />
Intimacy and sex don't start or stop in the bedroom. They don't start with a hug or a kiss or a box of chocolates and a long stemmed rose to quote Leonard Cohen. They start with attention and confidence and these are the things that flirting conveys.

One of the first steps to inspiring desire is to make yourself desirable. Work out your flaws and you will see that you not only attract the attention of your mate but also the attention of your mate's replacements. I'm not telling you what to do with the attention, but peer pressure when used right can manipulate your mate into improving to your standard of quality.

sorry, confusedone, it rarely is that simple. most of us dealing with a refuser work very hard to make them want us. i tell my partner everyday how much i love her, how attractive she is, and i touch her in many non-sexual ways, but it doesn't do much good. <br />
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i've got enough compassion, passion, and love to go around, and she could care less.

When is the last time you just held her with no expectations of sex? Women want passion, romance and the feeling of being loved. Most men are too cold to a woman's feelings especially right after sex. They tend to roll over and get out of bed and they hardly ever just hold her and kiss on her and tell her how they feel. I believe I am right when I say this, most women will agree, but after we make love we would like to be held and caressed and told how much you love us. Try this with you wife. Just walk up to her and hug her, tell her you love her You might be surprised.

Yes, do something spontaneous...like kissing her out of the blue or setting up a date in such a way that you would be reliving your first date, etc.

Well seeing it from a females perspective and it seeming too familiar I might say something helpful. lol. Maybe. But my fiance always actually said it to me..." Why don't you want me like you used to?" That along with some dramatic near break up really made me see how much I do love him and how he needs my reassurance more than I may think. So the best thing you may be able to do is flat out talk about it. But never in a defense. Or even write her a letter saying how much you care about her and how open minded you are to listening to her side of it and what may be going on with her. I agree with the spontaneous romantic surprise... most girls love that! Good luck and follow what you feel is right. After all... you know her better than any one on here! Good luck!

show her how much you love her

i would say try something spontaneously romantic.. something that is out of the ordinary but shows her how you feel for her n want her. surprise her.