I Always Feel No-one Could....And it's not for the simple fact that I am not like other 27 year olds but it's accepting me for where I have come from in terms of my family life.
Unlike many twenty somethings, I am not settled down, living with a partner or a young woman with a raging social life and loads of friends. But to admit this would possibly mean judgement. I guess people assume a certain lifestyle I lead but they don't actually know. I think they would be shocked if they learnt my truth. That I have a mentally ill younger sister who I spent a lot of time with supporting, that I lost all my friends and so have none, that I am single, that I feel excruciating loneliness and emotional pain and that I suffer more then they will ever know. I don't want them to know all of this and I dont want them to learn about my family. My parents who are in denial over my younger sisters mental health issues, my sisters actual mental health issues and the fact I have no-one I can go to for help in the family. I worry that I will be judged, that my sister will be or that the other person will be shocked. So I bottle everything up which I have been doing for so long, it is affecting me physically in terms of illness. I need to learn to open up, take that leap of faith and just go for it. But these things are easier said then done and by doing so, I will be breaking the habit of a lifetime and habits are hard to break.