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I Always Feel No-one Could....

And it's not for the simple fact that I am not like other 27 year olds but it's accepting me for where I have come from in terms of my family life.
Unlike many twenty somethings, I am not settled down, living with a partner or a young woman with a raging social life and loads of friends. But to admit this would possibly mean judgement. I guess people assume a certain lifestyle I lead but they don't actually know. I think they would be shocked if they learnt my truth. That I have a mentally ill younger sister who I spent a lot of time with supporting, that I lost all my friends and so have none, that I am single, that I feel excruciating loneliness and emotional pain and that I suffer more then they will ever know. I don't want them to know all of this and I dont want them to learn about my family. My parents who are in denial over my younger sisters mental health issues, my sisters actual mental health issues and the fact I have no-one I can go to for help in the family. I worry that I will be judged, that my sister will be or that the other person will be shocked. So I bottle everything up which I have been doing for so long, it is affecting me physically in terms of illness. I need to learn to open up, take that leap of faith and just go for it. But these things are easier said then done and by doing so, I will be breaking the habit of a lifetime and habits are hard to break.
Jenni855 Jenni855 26-30, F 2 Responses May 11, 2012

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Definitely not a case of restabilishing the friendships I had with them. Long story there but there isn't a chance and I wouldn't want there to be.<br />
Yes-sad though. I mean friends should be there for each other, even if it's only to give a hug and a kind word or two of comfort. That's all I need.

It's a difficult thing to balance opening up to people and scaring them off. I've found it helpful to open up to a counsellor so my friends don't find me a load and I can deal with the pains of life without appearing too needy. <br />
What do you think happened to the friends who left? Could you re-establish those connections?