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I Want (no, Need) Love

I'm young. I know that. But what really gets to me is the fact that I've never had the chance to be in a relationship. Hell, I've never even had my first kiss yet.
Let's start from the beginning. I've only ever had one true friend in my life right now. And I love her. But she's been in a relationship for the past 3 and a half years, and a proposal seems all but inevitable now. And every other time I've fallen for a girl, it always ended up being A) she was a drug addict (I'm straight edge), B) she had a boyfriend I didn't know about), and/or C) I got the "let's just be friends" speech. C is a joke though, because like I said, I've never really had friends, because they were too busy talking about me behind my back because I was deemed "different."
That was high school. Now I'm in college, yet it doesn't seem like anybody's planning on growing up anytime soon. My "friends" still talk about me, but now they also only talk TO me whenever they need me to help them study for a test, then proceed to isolate me until they need help again. Girls still fall for the cheap guys who are fake and sometimes abusive, leaving guys like me to rot elsewhere. My looks don't exactly help either--normal guys look like Porsches or Ferraris. I look like a truck that met the bad end of a nuclear warhead and was then dropped in a shark tank, then thrown into a volcano. And I'm tired of this cycle of rejection.
I'm tired of getting the whole "you'll find somebody" schtick, because I haven't, and it doesn't feel like I'm going to anytime soon. Girls would rather have the guy who can chug a keg of beer or clear a bong in one go (and also be a rather good a**hole), rather than the guy who's an honors student making a name for himself (and would care for them unconditionally if given the chance). I'm tired of the life I'm living now, but I don't know how to break the chains and change it. Maybe I can't change it. Who knows...all I know is I need somebody to give love to and to receive it from. I'm practically going insane because no one ever says those three words to me in the same sentence. Why must the good ones always finish in dead last?
deleted deleted 26-30 3 Responses Aug 4, 2012

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Don't let them get you down! I know you think that you're finishing last, but in the long run, you'll finish first! After college, you'll have the good paying job, a beautiful house, and everything that you've always wanted! The other guys will be wondering what went wrong with their lives, and why they're alone! Don't worry about it! Everything works out the way it should! :)

I love you.

When you find what you're looking for, your hard days now will seem like a breeze and it'll all be worth it :)