I am a 22 year old server, I always seem like the happiest person to my tables but as soon as I'm out of the restaurant I immediately feel miserable, helpless, worthless, and lonely. I will be with my boyfriend for 4 years in a couple weeks and he treats me like garbage. My friend recently said she cant stand my negativity even though she is quite negative herself and blames other people for her feelings often, is abandoning me with the lease to go live with her fiancee of 2 months, hes more important to focus on so they can get the paperwork and marriage in line so they don't deport him. My boyfriend is siding with my friend and says I am also a angry person and constantly belittles me and it makes me feel scared and helpless. Im attached because Im scared to be with out him and that friend, what if its worse with out them? I have been considering suicide months prior to this and I feel this is just the finale. I cant leave him and I dont feel loved. I grew up in an abusive home and now my family has gotten better and everyone says Im just still left angry with all the abuse. I just want to go and be with my twin who passed away when we were babies.. I wish she was here maybe I would of never met these people, maybe I would have more love and not be alone. Im sorry if I sound whiney I just dont know what to do about this depression anymore Im overwhelmed and want to jump off a cliff. I drink at night usually to sleep and numb the pain but its not working anymore... does anyone else feel like this... Im currently sleeping on a floor with some blankets because my boyfriend doesnt care for me and needs sleep for his trip and I was distracting him by talking about my feelings... why is love so hard to find? is it even real? ;'(

Toxil Toxil
26-30, F
1 Response Aug 21, 2014

It is so hard sometimes, I really hope things turn out okay for you. I have depression too and feel like nobody has time to listen to me. *hugs you*

Thank you :') *hugs* If you also need a friend and someone to listen, I am still here. I contacted my work to have time off, so if you ever want to share your struggles I am more then willing to listen.. thank you again for your reply as well

Yeah, you too. :) Sometimes the only people you can talk to are others who really know.