We Only Have Two Kinds Of Fights

If you've seen my other stories, you'll clearly see I type fast and can be long-winded. This time I'm going to make it super-short.

My wife and I seldom get along for a stretch longer than a few days, we have small fights and we have big fights, and they always follow the same pattern:

Small fights:
I'm not doing what I'm told, or what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes this is simply because I disagree over the "when" and "how" aspects of whatever it is. I am a procrastinator, but I'm also at an advanced state of maturing out of that. I don't put things off indefinitely. But when it's my turn to perform an action item it's so urgent I have even been asked if it's been done several times in the span of half an hour. I usually lose these fights.

BIG fights:
Only one topic here: she's hurting me. Sometimes a small fight escalates to this. Usually she's done something REALLY harmful, and while I do my best to overlook and tolerate the normal things that happen in relationships, she continues to do whatever the hell she wants as long as she can get away with it, sometimes stuff that's extremely hurtful and unfeeling. Often these fights are only over when it turns from her trying to use verbal judo to make me out to be the bad guy into her talking me out of leaving. This class of fight NEVER yields resolution.
TheVerticalMan TheVerticalMan
41-45, M
2 Responses Nov 18, 2012

Dear God, you must be a saint, or as crazy as she is. How have you not strangled her?

leave. just do it now. stop letting her rob your power and get up and walk out the next time a fight happens. she has no right to make you fight. you don't need to fight. simply ignore her, leave or whistle and smile at her. believe me, if she is as controlling as you say she is, this will drive her mad.

you have the power not to let her make you feel miserable. only you can save yourself from this horrible dynamic by simply manning up and refusing to engage on her level.

I hear you. Unfortunately she now has the ability to do harm to someone else and I'm stuck until I manage to neutralize that.