My Latest AttemptA few minutes ago, I sent this text to my wife. To explain the details, the xmas tree thing last night was this: My car is in the shop, ready to come home. My wife and daughter are taking the week off, and saw the usual place we get our tree from has them out. I'm also frustrated by a broken promise the night before to get home from the zoo on time for me to pick up my Wii U on launch day. I even agreed to keep it out of sight until the week passed so my daughter wouldn't be obsessed by wanting to get on it. Yesterday I was planning to get back into town, pick up the Wii U and some allergy relief for my daughter, drop home, swallow my disgust asking for a ride to my car or plan on walking - cook/clean dinner, etc. - she texted me on my way home asking me to help get the tree and pick up my car. I'm a big fat jerk toward myself, I agreed. I knew it was going to destroy my plans, and it sure did. We fought about it - mostly because I reminded her of our agreement over the WiiU, and how she agreed to me going to the zoo and walking around all day on a damaged foot in exchange for keeping the pace tolerable for me. The "backpedaling" was after I said we should pick up dinner (giving me the opportunity to pick up my damn game system discreetly), she blew up and said fine, if I wasn't willing to cook then we'll not have dinner. Then during the cutting the tree's ba
Oh, the other references that are left dangling are discussed in my other stories.
Okay, here goes, she hasn't replied but I will post an update when it happens:
You know what: yesterday I was NOT a happy camper, because of not only the xmas tree thing, or the feeling of being used by having to put in all the extras and having you STILL expect dinner - I know, you backpedaled. Half a point back for that when you saw me get upset, but two points lost.
Not only that but once again I tried to tell you that you broke your word at the zoo, promising to take it slow and easy, then literally at the gate you took off like a shot for the farthest corner. And your response was basically "up yours, ******."
You're getting meaner and more insensitive, literally every day.
I've already decided that if you won't be part of putting an end to this, then I will put an end to it without you. And you're either not taking me seriously or you're trying to make sure I don't change my mind.
It's really very sad. I still love you madly and would still take a bullet for you. But I can't live like this any longer.
I was planning to get through the holidays and if nothing changed between us, negotiate The End.
But since this whole thing with the **** pic happened, and how you reasserted your position of callous uncaring and clearly willing to behave that way again should the opportunity come up, I've changed my mind.
Through the holidays I will continue to be the same loyal, ditiful husband, father and partner I've always been but come January you and I are going to have The Talk. You have until then to decide what sort of ending you would want to see happen. You to rip the band-aid and show me the door? Fine. You want to make it amicable, gently unraveling the partnership before I depart? That's ok. You want me to stay until Simone is old enough to leave the nest? Fine. But if you come to the table looking to change my mind, I will simply refuse and decide on my own what happens next. That is the only non-negotiable. I'm willing to discuss anything else.
But as far as I'm concerned, you've broken my heart and left the pieces on the floor to die, and I am taking it away from you so I can mend it and find someone to share it with who will treat it like it's worth something. I gave you every chance to mend it with me and you've defiantly stomped on it instead.
It's really a pity. I genuinely wanted to make it right between us but it's clearly far too late.
As promised, she replied about 45 minutes later. Just now there was more. I'm not pulling my punches or hiding my harshness. Feel free to poke at me too.
Sounds awful. Thanks for making my vacation from work so relaxing. I hope this is what you wanted. Anyway, if I thought there was a way to stop your angry feelings I would do it in a minute. But every time I turn around I am being chastised for something. I am taking Simone out today so unless there is an emergency I won't be available for more hateful texting. Have a great day.
Frankly, since you've provel consistently and repeatedly that you don't give a **** how you're making me feel, I have no interest at all in your guilt trippen.
And if THAT is all you have to say, then I take it you accept.
HER (20 minutes later):
I can't say anything but things you criticize. Maybe you should think about who you are and your part in it. Stop throwing stones. I can't say anything that you hear anymore than I hear you. We are not communicating because all we do is hurl accusations. Lets try listening to each other and we might get somewhere.
No more texting either.
Okay, opinions? Notice how she flips the whole conversation over onto me? Or am I stupid or something? It's always the same pattern: she tries to flip blame onto me, the guilt trips, telling me I'm hypercritical or oversensitive, and finally trying to say this is all my fault.
Normally this could go on for hours or days until she finally starts to actually try to reason with me, as soon as she figures out I'm being dead serious. THEN the conciliatory noises begin, she says she really does understand after all, blah blah. It's really just noise, she means not one word, and this is the shortest loop in perhaps ever - usually the cold war starts right after she leaves me after the crummy excuse for sex she's willing to give as a peace offering. And that's the only time we have ANY intimacy at all.
Part of why the loop was so short was the "infamous **** picture incident." We argued all day, in text - with me finally screeching for a divorce because she stood her ground, telling me I violated her privacy by going through SMS, and the **** picture was gross and all dicks are ugly - all women think so (readers, look up my question and answer if you're female!) finally breaking down and explaining she understood, offered her usual peace offering of lousy sex, which I accepted - and we weren't done longer than a minute she started going at it telling me the hateful texts must stop (to which I agree), then started getting back to how the "**** picture" thing was her business and not mine, I violated her privacy (she turned her phone over to me for inspection during the summer in another fight), it's okay for her to joke with her friend like that (which not only hurt my feelings but there was other stuff like talking about going out getting laid and more **** pictures requested, looking for another man, etc.), basically communicating to me in her mind what she did was not only totally okay, not just that she would do so again, but she RESENTS me for being hurt and didn't mean one word of her apology for breaking my heart.
PLEASE my friends, GIVE ME STRENGTH! I don't want this to simply restart the fricking loop! It's destroying me heart and soul!!
TheVerticalMan 41-45, M 11 Responses 2 Nov 20, 2012