Nails In The Coffin

yesterday he just put more in...
It was the 2 year anniversary of his heart attack. So when i got home i was planning on being nice and cooking him dinner. I even left work early to be there when he got home. Instead he opted for going out. Fine.
At the restaurant i mentioned to him the business of this month.
The grandson, my daughters finaces little boy, has a bday on the 11 th
so the family is having a party for him on Sat. My "loivng" spouse grumbled about it and once again refused to call him by his name, instead refering to him as THE BOY. I asked him why, he had no answer. instead he ate in silence. pouting.

After we got home, he showered and spent the next hour having the nicest conversation with his mom on the phone. Wish he talked to me like that.
Then he finally pulled himself off the computer to watch some tv.
I mentioned that i was baking 2 cakes for Sat.
One for my baby boy and one for my son in laws ex. she is the mother of his twin girls. And the children have chosen to act like adults and be friends. So we are having a b day party for them both. All of the family and kids finally get to meet. I am looking forward to it. He got bitchy as usual.

i made the mistake of telling him he could be nice or i was going to give him back to his mother. that this was family and he had to learn to accept it. That i knew he hated people but that he had to cope. He told me to stop treating him like a child and that he would just stay home. I told him in no way was i allowing him to do that. He was not getting his way this time. He was going to be good or i was kicking him out. He said he was not leaving and i told him that i would.

he sat in pouting silence. at 10 he decided it was bed time. So all the lights were turned off. I went to bed, he went back to the computer. He finally came to bed at 11.

this morning as usual i was up at 4:30 with the dogs. He slept till 6
then he fussed that the dogs were going to have to sleep shut in the utility room because they kept him awake during the night> Really.

Every day he breaks me heart even more. He has kept me from friends and family for so long. I did not grasp the level of harmful control he has had over me until recently. I know the final decision is mine. And that one day he will put the final nail in the coffin. I just hope i am not under the damn lid when it happens.
lunazule lunazule
41-45, F
1 Response Dec 5, 2012

Why wait for the final nail? I know I am but really...why are we waiting? Don't we deserve better?