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The Demon Strikes Again

Yesterday I posted a story about an incident with The Demon regarding a nuclear war she started over a petty mistake.

I anticipated the usual pattern, which is once she realizes that she is jeopardizing my presence she tries to make super-nice, with The Demon inside putting up its best act of still being the wife I once had and lost, and possibly even offer intimacy just to glue the contract back together.

None of that happened. When I got home, The Demon asked if I was late and I replied that I was, and nothing more. She then went on about other inane topics as if nothing at all unusual happened that morning. I noticed our broadband connection was stone dead, so in addition to my usual cooking-and-dishes duty I added technical guru. There's a weak spot at our demarcation point, usually it flares up bad connections when the weather changes, and it has recently. No dice. But I noticed I'm not totally offline, my modems keep connecting but instantly lose the connection.

I called the broadband folks, tech support 24/7. Wound up speaking with a script-monkey. I HATE script-monkeys. I always wind up knowing more about the situation than they do, all they have to know is which scripted line to read me. This clod decided my appropriate solution path was to schedule a tech. Probably because he didn't understand most of what I was talking about, and I was speaking layman's terms, like talking about LEDs and what they were marked and stuff. I'm a Technical Support Engineer myself, and I'm no damned script monkey, either.

Well, my wife has today off, so I texted her that she needs to figure out when she'll be around for the tech. Even though I know perfectly well by many factors the problem I'm having is outside, probably in underground service and related to the recent storm - most likely poorly protected wires getting wet. There MUST be someone home or they won't come.

*sigh* Did I mention I hate script-monkeys?

The Demon answered my text. She said she's busy tomorrow, going out running and xmas shopping. Picking up the kid, and other activities. So, still hurt and angry I simply replied "bummer. Internet and phone are both 100% dead until we can get them here."

This morning The Demon texted me(!) while I was putting together lunches, and naturally - more dishes. From breakfast. Getting the kid scooted out the door. Putting my couch bedding away. She said she could be around after 4, and told me to make the call. I'm stunned. I tell her I'm busy buzzing around the house getting us out the door and going to work, can't she do it?

Nope. The Demon ROARED. Again with the cussing and slaughtering of my character, and basically treating me like it's more important for her to keep her jogging activity than it is for me to not have to spare some time either at work or throw away a break taking care of a stupid phone call. She insisted, and wouldn't budge.

So I told her fine, then the Internet and phone both stay broken until I have time to deal with it. She can do it or not. Do nothing and it stays dead.

Later some trucks showed up from the broadband carrier. They're working on the infrastructure underground for goodness' sake. So I went out and talked to one of the techs. He was nice but refused to budge when I asked him to test my conenction, just at the demarcation point, it's only a few steps away... He said sorry, but no and hey - if you can't be around today, they schedule tech visits 7 days.
This I did not know. Ok, so I can get the thing fixed.

When I went back into the house, I caught The Demon breaking a rule of engagement, not for the first time on this particular offense, either: she was telling my daughter that her daddy is blaming her for the Internet being dead.

*sigh*

This kept going on and wound up with us both demanding to be left alone.

She has no clue how sick of this I am. I told her weeks ago I was leaving after the holidays were over, and allowed her to talk me into changing that to "maybe." Well, it's not a maybe anymore and hasn't been for a while now. She's already made up my mind for me.

I'm not really hurt so much by the abuse anymore - that's kind of old hat now. I've made up my mind and decided to stop it without her. By deleting her from my life. What REALLY hurts is when The Deamon roars and abuses me, it reminds me of the woman I onced loved, and how much I miss her since she died and her body was taken over by this....thing. And that's why I cried on my way to work today.
TheVerticalMan TheVerticalMan 41-45, M 2 Responses Dec 7, 2012

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You know, I turn into superb!tch like this...and so does my mom...when we are not taking antidepressants.Basically, I turn into something like your wife...and I HATE it.

I'm suddenly raging and afterward, I apologize profusely, but in that moment I can't stop myself

I have to take meds and meditate regularly .

So long as I do I am able to be the person I want to be to others.

I think the difference is...I feel guilty.

Indeed. There's a big difference. The Demon has no regret. When she's pretending to be the woman I love she's very good at mimicking regret, but it always winds up being a lie. There's a nasty example of that in one of my other stories. I suspect in addition to the OCD she's also a sociopath. What you're describing about yourself is simple anger management troubles. I get pretty pissed of too and can scream and rant and The Demon is very good at provoking that so she can flip the situation upsude-down to deflect my grievance and even season it with accusations of abuse on my part.

But your description, yeah I feel you. If you're balancing your Qi with chemical remedies the bounceback is horrible. But you DO feel the natural regret and guilt having hurt someone.

I've said it before, Edith Piaf is a *****. LOL

Ah...my anger management troubles... those are related to the major depression and PTSD and the dissociative disorder.
I've been on SSRI's since 16. I'd have offed myself otherwise.

Meditation is REALLY good at allowing you to be present mentally and not simply lose it...And staying calm when someone is trying to get you to blow up usually causes them to go all explodey instead.

I don't think it's legal where you live to record your spouse saying nasty things about you to your little girl...But I would write them down in black ink with date and time, in a notebook with numbered pages (and do NOT tear any out, Just put a line through stuff if you have to edit it out.)

What she's doing to your girl?
http://www.alienatedparent.org.uk/checklist/
http://www.divorcesource.com/ds/alienation/parental-alienation-193.shtml

ah, sage advice. I'm not worried though. My little girl is only 11 but she's one of the smartest effing little girls you've ever seen. As I was taking her to school she and I spoke briefly and she knows first of all The Demon was full of it, and second that only one of her parents is trying to "teach" her how bad the other is. I'm so proud of her. I confide in her a little about what she sees going on very carefully just to make sure she's alright. But I always make a point, and even speak of - the fact that her relationship with mommy and daddy's relationship with mommy are two different things. The framework this is setting up makes The Demon's behavior alienate herself, not me. Muahahaha. >:D

Cool!
She needs both parents, true, though...but it's not like you can control your spouse's behavior, is it?

Correct! I can't control her and wouldn't want to. After what she's done to me the notion is in fact quite repugnant. But I can make sure my L.G. Gets the guidance she needs to draw well-informed conclusions and that strategy is working very well - I'm able to prevent myself being villified and without actually interfering with their relationship. Works like gold!

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I have kind of been following your stories ... you are in just so much pain. Dont think there are really any words to say to this. If remaining together is causing so much heartache to you, separating is the best solution, so at least eventually you can find some peace of mind.

You definitely need some space and peace!

TYVM, my friends. I'm glad I set out looking for support online, the support I'm getting from my friends here on EP and elsewhere, and my friendship with Dream Girl, really helps keep me anchored and focused on ending this nightmare I've spent years living through. I appreciate the support and will repay in kind any way I can.