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I've Made It Official

If you've been following my stories you may be aware of what I'm going through. I'm in a toxic, loveless, sexless marriage and have been struggling for years to fix it and lately have been struggling to escape it.

In mid-November, things got SO bad between us I told my wife that as soon as the holidays are over, I'm going to talk to her about breaking up. She talked me into softening that to letting her try to redeem things with me. She didn't make it as far as Thanksgiving. I haven't been revealing that to her... I did agree to give her until the holidays were over. But my mind has been made up for a while already what I'm going to say in January.

Two nights ago, she came home from work, I was cooking, and she started to prattle about work for a good 10 minutes, which is fine. But then she started getting into the things that weren't getting done yet. I still have the rest of the weekend to complete that list, and that day my daughter and I were out shopping to spend her gift money all day so the list hasn't gotten any shorter. One of her complaints was how long dinner is going to take. Then she stormed off saying she was going to have to find something to do while she waits for dinner.

I told her that would be a good idea. She turned and very angrily demanded to know what I meant. I told her off. I said she hasn't said a single nice thing to me since she got home half an hour earlier and criticized me over several points. She protested that she greeted me! I pointed out how weak an argument that is, and that I'm sick of her attitude. I expect more from someone who pleaded with me to give her "one more chance." She simply stormed off.

Later she was in a terrible mood. She snapped at me, she told our daughter to shut up, loudly and rudely - even though my little girl was being annoying, her mother's response was excessive. My daughter was asking for cake, my wife was snappy because she was watching the movie I just bought while we were out that day. They could have paused it instead of fighting...

My wife stormed into the kitchen and cut up some cake for my daughter... meanwhile something happened in the movie that was significant. So while my wife was bringing in the cake I told my daughter she should roll back the movie a bit and pause it so her mom can see it. My wife made another sarcastic remark about how she's "just brining the cake, don't bother to be nice" - clearly taking a shot at making my little girl feel bad... so I said that was unnecessary and she didn't need to say that, since we're trying to turn things around and be polite.

The next thing I know, she's screaming and cussing at me... right in front of the little girl... horrible, dreadful things, profane character assassinations, telling me that I should mind my own business, that I think I'm so superior, amazing stuff. As vicious as she gets. This went on for ten minutes with me trying to simply respond by telling her she needs to get a grip, but when someone is launching such a long, horrible, vicious personal attack and there seems to be no end... well... something snapped. Next thing I know we're both screaming and cussing. I'd had enough and started to pack up some essential survival items and walk out the door. With her continuing to scream and cuss and insult and criticize, right in front of my daughter, who is by this point lying on the floor in tears, sobbing that God must hate her. I only paused once in a while to scream at her to stop attacking me, that I would be gone very soon, and she should just let me pack up my **** in peace.

Later while I was away I realized my phone needed charging. It's late at night of course... so I sent her a text telling her I just want to come back in, charge my phone and collect some more belongings and don't want any trouble. She eventually replied by saying that I can either come back to stay or stay away. I replied that if she wants me back at all, then it's only to make sure the breakup is amicable... and transitional and peaceful.... but it WILL happen. Ir I can get back in my car and good luck with everything.

She called me mean even though I was echoing her own stubbornness using the same words... but agreed.

The next morning she sent me a text apologizing for being so hurtful and offered to forgive each other and go back to status quo. I replied, accepting her apology and offering mine in return for what I did that was wrong.... but said also - we really no longer belong together. We will be negotiating a break when we can sit and talk peacefully and privately on how a breakup is going to unfold.

Congratulate me, friends - I'm OFFICIALLY FREE!!!
TheVerticalMan TheVerticalMan 41-45, M 3 Responses Dec 30, 2012

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Hmmm .... now I'm curious, as this was over a year ago and the other day you mentioned her in Chatzy, so now I need to keep reading ...

I'm sorry about the kid getting to see that.
The rest? what did your STBX expect?

LOL! I love how practical you are. I can answer that question using a single word: denial.

Congratulations. :) Hope everything works out well in the future for you.

Thank you SO much. Everyone I've met here has been so supportive and nice... I could just cry... *sniffle* you're such good friends. Looking forward to knowing you a long time.