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Peace For Me!

she rarely if ever backed me on anything and i still want her. I helped her, her boys, her friend, her fmily, whatever needed i could give her. but, she kept staying with and going out wth those that robbed from her, left her for me to find with her screaming for me to find her, those that do and deal drugs, bring her kids to places where they get beeat up, and i still wanted to be with her to help. 2.5 years of putting up with this. driving up to her/our place and sitting behind the wheel for awhile wondering what the next catastrophe i will hear and that may involve me giving out money. and she continued to say she loved me after telling her over and over what she was doing was hurting me. i couldn't pull myself away, i couldn't. i still love and miss her even after 3 months. she twisted the truth to be able to get a restraining/no contact order on me, which doesn't make sense in its entirety. she said i never threated her or her boys (true) she said i broke into her house with keys she says she doesn't know how i got (false). she gave me those keys to help w/ her dogs and she never had a problem w/ me using them to see her, she even got on my case when i didn't wake her up. if i did do a B&E on her house, why did she ask me to buy her some toilet paper, why did i do that and bring flowers for her injured sister. hell, her mmother was there when i gave her thosee things. I want peace with this and i don't know where to get! dr precribed medicine helps me sleep, but i still wake up, overr and ever. i love a woman who used me, pain, pain, pain. maybe if i had her brand of weed available all the time that would have steered her more to me. hell, she cares less bout the safety of her boys than i do! i'm an emotional/relationship invallid. the why's wouldn't even help, i know. screw it.

chinkyaku chinkyaku 41-45, M 1 Response Jan 21, 2010

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I know how you feel. I have seen drugs ruin relationships in my life, but I still can't seem to escape them. What does this thing called love draw us toward people who aren't good for us? I am lost... I do hope you find somebody who deserves your caringness, though. Chin up