Post

Left On Lonely But The Nicest Guy Around.

What do I do? What keeps happening? I be respectful to people and I get nothing for it.
I never had a close friend in my life. I never was invited to any parties, fun outings, or had anyone to talk to. All I remember in school was getting these grades and then walking across stages to get awards and diploma. There was no prom or dates or nothing.
I was brought up black and urban. But I wasn't and still am not your typical black urban dude. I listened to more light rock and jazz music rather than hip hop. I wanted to go to museums, zoos, and the nice parties. They were opposite rap, r&b and wild parties and nightclubs.
I never had problems with but they had problems with me. I felt alienation and alone. All my parents and adults said wait until college. When I got to college more of the same thing. I am interested in the science field and doing wholesome things and am gay.
Ive heard a lot things from my family I need to make money to make friends and for them to accept me, I had to hang around way older white dudes. I tried that but it's only trouble starting with those relationships.

I was the good guy in in school I did everything right but some really mean teachers would praise me in school and then give my mom a lot of worrying stuff about me.  How I would become this nutty, unable to do anything, Forest Gumpish thing. My mom now hates my handwriting calling it evil because if what one teacher said. When someone says something good about me she practically ignores them and when negative is said she exxagerates on it.

Am I doomed to be antisocial like my mother and in an unhappy relationship like my mom. New I'm going through a painful seperation between mom and dad and my mom is like doing her best to isolate me from my own race, age and bubble me in. Every time I have sometime positive happens in my life or I feel happy, start a new project.  I hear about what could go wrong with it, how I'm not exempt from suffering and sadness.

I tried talking to her  and I am called a psycho, slow, and she brings up the depressing past. My court case about this identification mix up, this childhood abuse in my childhood and things that I supposedly said to here in the past.
This mess got me in jail and depression ( I felt like a zombie) and I don't wanta go down that sad road again.
shannon4599usa shannon4599usa 31-35, M 1 Response Jun 29, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

Don't pay attention to what your family says. It may be even that the state or country you currently live in is not the one for you. Look around the world. It's never to late to do something like a 3 or 6 month homestay program to study something in a foreign country. That's how I ended up staying in Japan in my mid 30's.