Some Of The Good Qualities Men Have.

They are understanding when they actually "like" the girl.
They open the door for their gf and pay for dinner.
They try to return a text even when its extremely difficult.
They try to get something nice for their woman on holidays and bday.
They drive them around to get where they need to go.
They give their gf amazing sex.
They try to make their gf's life more fun and exciting.

So I guess all men aren't total jerks out there......
LonelyGirl322 LonelyGirl322
14 Responses Nov 26, 2012

Enjoy your chivalry with your diminished rights, haha.

not all 98% you can say. but not all.

thanks for that :)

lol i never found such kinda guy

Lmao thats so true .why carnt all woman see that . Every guy needs a woman like you :)

Heyyy, care to chat a little? (:

I really appreciate this post, at least I know I'm doing a good job as a boyfriend from what you describe. Unfortunately my girl doesn't see it that way and is still unhappy (not mentioning that I also do extra stuff not on this list such as very detailed "extravagant" surprises, cook etc)

If everything else fails, ask her how you can make her happy, and ask her in different ways until you get the answer you need.
Because sometimes we guys think that we're doing a good job but we're missing something which is meaningless to us but very important for our significant other.

Most women like a dominant male

Thank you ,it's nice to read that .

None of those things even come close to the human condition, our future. If these are things you seek for happiness I would tell you to prepare for a very hurtful life.

Hehehe, finally someone who says good things about men. Nicely said. ^^ Though not all men do all of these things, or they can't do some of these things.

Well..not all of them ,but some of them are :)
But to be honest and clear,we must check on the other side,what they (females) are doing ?

Interesting post, Kristen. I can see the logic in waiting till marriage, or until there is enough trust, love and commitment between the two (which can be measured by working towards marriage).
I don't think that a wife is obliged to give her husband sex when and where he asks, but when it's convenient and right for both.
I disagree that dressing sexily is the way to go- girls aren't objects. Note- thats different from dressing nice. I would rather be with a girl in a maxidress than a girl in fish stocking stilletos. If a guy is decent and worthy he will not expect girls to sexualise themselves.
I'm speaking for myself, but I do like a girl to let me be a man and hold the door, look after and protect her. But what would make me love her is her showing me appreciation, being sweet and kind and being there for me. Because, believe you me, even guys need TLC! When we need you to accept us for who we are but still INSPIRE us to be better men, by being understanding.
I think I've dealt with everything you've raised. ;)

Hi MoonGardian,

As I understand it, men are visual creatures and lonelygirl322 has several stories crying out for help because she is single. Men are visual creatures. If they do not like what they see then they go no further and so if she wishes to meet guys then she needs to be visually appealing to them. As a sweeping generalisation. Obviously some guys are different.

I agree that guys need TLC. Some are full of bravado but it is a front for insecurity. I believe a wife should be someone upon whom he can rely. Someone always supportive. Always there.

As for how to go from the first impressions that I unashamadly respectfully suggest is going to be very visually driven to a relationship well that is harder and woud involve talking and doing things together.

Just my opinion here though.
Hope I have not been rude in my reply.

No, no, not at all! I'm glad we're having this conversation.
Yes, men are visual but if you have to dress sexily, rather than just nicely, to be attractive to a guy, then that COULD be a little red flag warning for you saying: "Warning! Warning? Shallow jerk alert!"
I believe you can be visually appealing without revealing lots of flesh.

Let me give you an example- I was at the birthday meal of two friends (twins) and one of the guests was a girl, who wore Hijab (headscarf and a loose robed dress). I thought she was absolutely beautiful, rather than "fit" or someone that I wanted to "hook up with".
So, you don't need to reveal most of your flesh to be attractive, not unless someone is really shallow, in that case that's a warning sign!
Like I said, I would find a girl in a cute maxi dress more attractive that someone in fish nets.
Does that surprise you?

Hi MoonGuardian,

Firstly this is a really interesting discussion for me. Most people I know tend to deny sexuality and discourage their daughters from dressing to attract men.

I am happy to accept that not all guys are the same. Well you mention jerks vs say ordinary guys so I guess we are in agreenace there :)
So I am ok that you may find a girl in a cute maxi dress more attractive than someone in fishnets. Likewise with the Hijab. Some will find that attractive and I believe many would see that the girl has understood that there is a visual component and also I believe that she is adding value to herself. Saying this girls beauty is valuable and only available to her husband. But remember that in countries where the Hijab is common, there is probably less of a need to be physically attractive to attract men because husbands are arranged.

I personally would not worry about the shallow thing. If it really is an issue then it can be managed later.

My suspicion is that if she has not found a man then she needs to change something and probably change a lot. I mention clothes because men are visual and my suspicion is that she probably dresses somewhat ordinarilly and I believe that if she is more attractive, read attention seeking then she is mor likely to attract guys and then choose one. But if she has few men to choose from and it sounds like she has none then that is pretty depressing.

The maxi dress vs hijab vs fishnets vs anything else type question should be looked at after the relationship gets along a bit. She should find out what gets his attention and then she should wear that. She should dress in a way that makes his eyes wander to her and not to others if that makes sense.

Hello Kristen,

So, how would you manage this issue later?
The idea is that dressing nicely is a way to come across as attractive but not sexualised like a piece of meat- because LonelyGirl is not that and she's feistily put a post saying that she is not desperate! LOL!
What we don't want is to attract the wrong sort of guy and fall madly in love with him.
I think she should be herself, or at least the best version of herself, or else she may end up more miserable.
By the way, the birthday meal was in the UK, so not abroad or in an Eastern country. :)

Hi MoonGuardian,
So how should the issue be managed later? well by that I mean she should be aware of what he likes and she should dress that way. She should be there for him.

I actually believe that it is more than dressing nicely. I dress nicely when I have tea with my girlfriends or attend a funeral. For my husband, I dress in ways that attract and keep his attention. I dress in the clothes he likes . Am I a sexualised piece of meat? I do not know but I hope I am sexual, sexy, attractive.

OK, I'm a bit wary about this becoming too personal, so we should try and be aware of that and prevent that.
My point is that no girl should feel that she has to around dressing sexually to please MEN. What two consenting spouses do in the bedroom is their business and normally not degrading.
No, ma'am, you definitely are not a piece of meat (except in the most biological sense, I hope no one is going to cook and eat you, though!
I'm sure you look lovely enough in your nice clothes.

Hi MoonGuardian,
I too was worried that this may beocme agressive and I am glad that you recognised that and were able to bring it to the fore and stop it. I do apologise if I became testy. I do too hope that I wont get cooked up anytime soon. :)

Hey, I would never be aggressive towards a lady, not even through the internet. ;)

I was worried that I was getting angry inside. I admire your confidence in ensuring it did not get that way. Thanks.

This discussion made me think about how a woman can meet a man and find a husband so I wrote a story here
I put it separate from this discussion so it would not be seen as judging the lady who started this thread.

6 More Responses

<p>Hi LonelyGirl322,<br />
I have read some of your stories and I am writing to you in a way that I would never do face to face. The anonymity of the internet. However I am only giving you one opinion and I will confess I am a strange girl and so my input will be biased.</p><p>The first thing is that you need to feel good about yourself. Or at least try to.</p><p>The next thing is that when I read your messages you mention looks. You had a story talking about men wanting someone hot. That girl is true. Men are much about looks. Of course when they see a TV star they see the TV star hot because that is what the marketing people do. They make sure that the TV star in public looks hot. But us girls need to learn that the first thing with guys is to look hot. Take it to one extreme. You will have heard the phrase "she looks like a prostiture" well actually the prostitutes I have met have not looked "hot" but the idea there is that they dress a certain way for one reason only and that is to attract men. One thing I learned all my life was that a woman should dress to attract her man or if she is not married she should dress to attract men. If you dress like dowdilly you wont even get to first ba<x>se. Most women dress for their girlfriends. They think what will my girlfriends think of this. A wife or potential wife should say - what will my man think of this. And importantly I want him only thinking of this. That girl means skirts. Heels. It actually does not mean "dress like a prostitute" Because even though the first thing is to get him to look at you the second thing is to keep him looking and if he thinks prostitute then most guys will just move on and the others will only stay until they have sampled the goods.</p><p>Now the next thing is sex. This is a difficult thing because make it too easy and then it has no value. They take and they leave. Now it does depend on your beliefs and relationship with the man. But no sex till marriage keeps him on his toes. When he is on his toes then he will open those doors and pay for dinner.</p><p>So a girl, I believe, must be willing to let him do a lot. Let him open then door. Let him buy dinner. She must build him up and she must submit. That means let him lead. Let him be a man. These days women think that because they can (legally) do anything that they must do it. Be independant. be self reliant. They see that as bing strong. But it takes so much more strength to submit. To be lead. To put aside your immediate desires. To keep your mouth shut. To not criticise. (Hence I would never be able to say this to you face to face). But at the same time I believe that a girl needs to not engage in sex until they are married.</p><p>But then there is a new difficulty. You may have heard the phrase "women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex". Once a woman is married I believe she is obligated to obey her husband and give him sex when he wants it and so creating that sexual tension is harder and something I am trying to learn so I cant solve that one here actually.</p><p>But back to the buy things for their woman when they are on holiday and returning texts and so on. I do not think that comes naturally to men. They are naturally individualistic. Women are naturally community. Women network and talk and respond naturally. Men ahh actually dont. They are single minded. When a man is on a business trip then he can forget about home. She needs to set the scene so that he is wanting to get home. When he is thinking of her then he will do these things. But it is not through giving him easy sex girl. To be honest, it is all about the tease. </p><p>To be blunt it is all about attention. You must give him all your attention but absolutey no sex. And also make him know that you are doing it (whatever it is) for him. Men do not get it. A woman makes a lunch for a man he does not get that she made it for him. You need to tell him. "I wore this skirt for you" do a twirl "do you like it", "I wore these (increadibly painful heels) for you". </p><p>Then the final thing is don't criticise your man or any one man or woman. None of us are perfect and find one fault and you will find another and before you know it girl you will be a negative energy ***** and the guys will stay away.</p><p>Smile, hug, think about where they can touch and let them build up to it. Dress sexilly, short skimpy etc. Be skinny - eat fresh food. Do some exercise. Do stuff - whatever. Ride a bike, go walking, go to the gym. Turn off the TV. Actually get rid of the TV or put it out of your lounge room. </p><p>Cripes I would never seek to give advice in real life and this has been more than a bit of a blurt out. Sorry. Delete it if you don't like it. </p><p>kristen.</p>

No, they're not. But let me ask you this: what sort of faults will you be willing to accept in a guy?