I Learned From My Mother...

...My mom is the type who when you ask her for a favor, she may say yes right away but when it comes time to do it, she lets you know by her attitude or comments, that she doesn't really want to do it or that it is such a drain on her.

As an example, I rarely ask her to watch my son. Why, because over the years when I have asked her and she has readily agreed, she so often makes me feel like it was such a strain on her, or an inconvenience.

I have found the same problem in other relationships, people hint around or say what they don't mean and expect you to be able to interpret what they REALLY mean. Then they get upset with you when you've taken them at face value.

I am a pretty blunt, say what is on my mind, type. I guess this is why I find this type of behavior so frustrating and irritating.

As far as my mom goes, I've learned that when I do have to ask her to do something, I double check to make sure she is ok with it. If later she still acts like it was SUCH an inconvenience, I smile and ignore her. I don't let myself feel guilty anymore. I've accepted it is just the way she is.

WittyOne WittyOne
46-50, F
3 Responses May 29, 2007

I know what you mean. It might be that she actually enjoys helping out but needs a little more praise or maybe wants to help but feels a little obligated and this is important for you to find out. Sometimes knowing the reason can help you to change the situation.

This shows up in the working world a lot, too, used to really irritate -- they make an art of it in Japan, but my favorite was a Philly shipyard shop head nicknamed "Leo" who would promise to meet any delivery schedule -- and would let the work drift until the last minute when his team could get their work done, never mind how many other teams' work plans were delayed. <br />
<br />
We all admired and respected Eddie Ochmanowicz, truly.

Thats really the only thing to do. If she doesn't want to do something, then she shouldn't agree to it.